Newly Released National Poll Finds 100% of Women Want a Cruise for Valentine’s Day

In the lead up to Valentine’s Day on February 14th, a newly released national poll of U.S. women offers some valuable advice for those wondering what to gift their wife, girlfriend, or partner. Of those polled, 100% selected “cruise” from a list of possible preferred Valentine’s Day gifts. Other choices included chocolate (tied for 2nd at 0%), flowers (tied for 2nd at 0%), and lingerie (tied for 2nd at 0%).

While no information was released about the methods used, sample size, or study sponsorship, when asked, the principle investigator asserted, somewhat defensively, that the poll was highly scientific and further argued that, “those who ignore this clear message being sent by U. S. women do so at their own peril.” She went on to cite a related study from 2023 showing that 0% of U.S. adults who did not gift their partners a cruise got lucky on Valentine’s Day.

Critics of the study (all men) were resentful at not being included in the poll and stated that, if asked, 100% of men would also prefer a cruise for Valentine’s Day instead of having their photo posted to their significant other’s Instagram page with caption, “My heart, my soul, my life. Happy Valentine’s day to my one true and enduring love.” That is NOT a gift, they argued!

So, readers, in light of the poll results and the poll’s critics, can we all just agree that the only appropriate Valentine’s Day gift for women AND men is…a cruise? Good. Now that that’s settled…

Happy Valentine’s Day and happy cruising!

Class dismissed!

Homework (10 points): Have you ever been gifted a cruise for Valentine’s Day or cruised over Valentine’s Day? Share your experience to the comments!

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*This is clearly satire. But, trust me, you should still get your partner that cruise!