Just when you thought Carnival couldn’t get any classier (I kid, I kid – you know I love Carnival), the line hosts a nude cruise. This “clothing optional” sailing will take place on February 25, 2024 onboard the Pride for a 7-night round trip itinerary from Tampa, calling in Costa Maya, Mahogany Bay, and Cozumel with three “Fun Nude Days at Sea” (no seriously, that’s exactly how it’s written on the itinerary).
Onboard events will include (I pulled these descriptions directly from the “Bare Necessities Cruise and Travel” website should you think I’m embellishing):
BUCCANEERS & LEGENDS OF THE DEEP- We can’t get back to bare basics on the Big Nude Boat 2024 without a Pirate Night! What could be better than a throwback Bare Fest Event and homage to the most popular of all theme nights? Join us for a fabulous costume event to kick off a fabulous cruise. It will be an evening full of famous pirates and creatures that dwell below the surface of the sea – real and mythical – encountered while sailing the briny blue. Prizes will be awarded for the best costumes! Guests can dance the night away under the stars while sailing the high seas.
LIGHT UP THE NIGHT- One of our most popular events where passengers can shine brighter than the stars above. Passengers will dance the night away during our deck party wearing nothing but LED lights. Please note that Carnival does not permit the use of glow sticks.
LEAP YEAR- Relax au naturel during our stay in Mahogany Bay; however, once we set sail; things will start hopping as we celebrate this extra day of the year. Dress up ready to “leap or hop” the night away with our silent night dance party on the pool deck.
PASSENGER TALENT SHOW- As is our tradition, we will end the cruise with our annual passenger talent show. This is your time to spotlight your talent whether it’s singing, telling jokes, or putting on a magic show. You won’t want to miss it; it will amaze you to see how talented our passengers really are. Guests may sign up to audition at Guest Services.
Okay, admit it, who else busted up laughing when you read, “Carnival does not permit the use of glow sticks.” (I’m a child.)
While I think the world would be exceedingly boring if we were all the same and I’m excited for those who are into this kind of thing, I can’t really picture myself enjoying a nude cruise. First off, I burn at the mere thought of sun and second off it would be challenging to suck my stomach in far enough to look halfway presentable sans clothing when I’m eating 25 times a day which is, in my estimation, the whole point of a cruise. Also, it’s awkward enough walking through a gym locker room, but can you imagine trying to keep your balance on a moving ship while covertly trying to size up your competition (better boobs sure, but all that cellulite makes her butt look like an old understuffed sofa cushion) and at the same time trying not to stumble into Billy Bob’s manhood? It just sounds stressful. And I’m on a cruise to relax. I dunno, maybe I’m missing the whole point of the thing.
Before we close this post out (thanks for “bare-ing” with me, sometimes I just feel like writing something silly), here are my best nudists on a cruise ship jokes.
Where is the nudists favorite place to eat on a cruise ship? The buff-et.
Wife: “Are you ready for our nude cruise?” Husband: “I was born ready!”
Our nudist cruise group had custom t-shirts made saying, “Cruising is Better in the Nude,” but we never had an occasion to wear them.
A nudist with insomnia visits the Alchemy Bar at 3am. The bartender turns him away stating, “sorry, we’re clothed.”
Nudist cruise packing list: Embarkation day outfit, case of SPF 50 sunscreen, debarkation day outfit.
Why are nudist cruises the most coveted gigs for cruise comedians? Because the jokes practically write themselves.
What are the two most popular items purchased at Walmart by crew members prior to the nude cruise (forget snacks and soda)? Gloves and Clorox wipes.
Crew member to another crew member: “What’s worse than a rude American demanding 5 extra servings of bacon?” “A nude American demanding 5 extra servings of bacon!”
And with that…
Class Dismissed!
Homework (10 points): Would you ever sail on a nude cruise? Confess to the comments!
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