Time Loop Directions to Junkanoo Beach in Nassau

This week I’ve been watching the Netflix series Russian Doll in 20-minute increments between planning my next cruise or, technically, cruises – it will be my first back to back.  Tough life, I know.  But this juxtaposition of cruising and time loops has me thinking of travel instances where I wish I could go back with current knowledge to positively change the course of previous events.

Which brings me to Nassau.  First, allow me to summarize my first visit there as an adult.

Nothing in this World is Easy

I hadn’t read great things about Nassau and have a childhood memory of waking up, choking on sweat, on the shoulder of: “Wait, where am I?  And who are you?”  He was our tour guide, and I was wedged between him and my dad in the front seat of a smelly van with no air conditioning in Nassau.  At least I didn’t wake up in a bathroom featuring a prominent depiction of female anatomy on a gun-handled door (ignore the confusing and slightly disturbing reference if you haven’t seen Russian Doll).

But fast forward back to the future, where our cruise director on the Carnival Sensation, “Big Sexy,” came on the intercom to warn us about crime against tourists in Nassau. He kept saying things like: “have fun, but BE CAREFUL,” “have fun, but DON’T CARRY CASH,” and “have fun, but BEST NOT TO LEAVE YOUR STATEROOM OR EVEN OPEN THE CURTAINS TO PEAK OUT.”

While some can adapt quickly and seamlessly blend into their surroundings, my husband Eric and I stand out wherever we go and people keep telling us we should apply for a patent for “tourist.”  So we were a little worried.

I’ll tell you what though, you can take all my money (you’ll have to find my mattress first), but you will not keep this tourist from your free sand and waves. So we set out for Junkanoo Beach.

After wandering around for a time, despite my introverted yet overconfident nature, I asked for directions at the tourist desk.  I was instructed to “turn left at the Hilton” and told, “it’s right there.” That led us to believe the Hilton would have, like, a sign on it saying, I dunno, “Hilton” and would be, like, right there.  Nah – nowhere to be found.  So we walked around aimlessly for a bit and finally asked some police officers for further directions. “HELLO, TOURIST HERE. ROB ME PLEASE.” In any case, after another wrong turn at the “hotel alleged to be the Hilton,” we finally made it.  And no one even tried to steal my Carnival towel. In fact, we never felt unsafe at all and had a great time.

This beach wasn’t as nice as Lucaya, the one we’d visited the day before in Freeport.  Plus, I thought Eric had been growing out his hair to get it braided in the Bahamas, but after roughly 200 offers and an equal number of “no thank you’s,” I figured there must be a 70’s office party coming up.  Turns out, like all the men in my life, he just hates getting his hair cut:

Anyway, I’ve never met a beach I didn’t like and this one was no exception.

But with slightly frayed nerves and 35 fewer accumulated minutes of life spent at the beach, we wished a version of us from the future, with less angst, but more wrinkles, would have knocked on our stateroom door as soon as “Big Sexy” came on the intercom, “hey, hey, hey,” with the following advice from our second visit to Nassau: relax, you’re perfectly safe.  And then handed us this map:

Groundhog Day

Exactly one year later, I arrived in Nassau via the Norwegian Breakaway after a breakfast of rotten fruit from the buffet (another Russian Doll reference, better just watch it), “hey, hey, hey,” wearing the exact same yellow swim cover and with a nasty bout of Déjà vu.  Here’s what happened…

Opposite Day

In addition to Déjà vu, life with Prof. Cruise sometimes causes one to wonder if it’s Opposite Day. Wait, let me get this straight, you’re on vacation in the Bahamas and are thrilled it’s cool, overcast, and the beach is nearly abandoned? So it was on our second day in Nassau.

That was my first view of the place.  Or maybe not.  I felt like I’d been there before. But either way, I thought it looked pretty fancy.  And familiar.

Too rich for my blood though, so we headed toward the free public beach. Junkanoo Beach is a short 15-minute walk from the ship. Our last time in Nassau we got lost trying to find the beach, but this time we knew to turn right as you’re leaving the port area, and head straight through town.

Then you turn left – last time we turned right – when you hit a giant palatial hotel. We even learned a new trick this time – after you turn left at the hotel, look for the sign to the “Fat Tuesday” daiquiri bar (BTW, the Ultimate Beverage Package doesn’t work there – not for lack of me trying) and turn right. Continue through the parking lot toward the bar.

There is a small beach access area just before the bar. That section of the beach was all but abandoned save a few locals selling jewelry at a stand near the bar, some guys bagging up big piles of seaweed, and a few fellow cruisers who wandered through on occasion.

I should mention that the beach is very rocky. But on the plus side, if you use broken glass for craft projects or collect bottle caps, you’ll have a full bucket of them in no time flat.  Which is to say, wear water shoes. What do you expect at a beach called “Junk-anoo.”  I’m sure I’m the first person ever to make that joke.

We liked this beach the first time we visited over Spring Break the year prior, although it was much more crowded then – I suppose the Carnival crowd has lower standards.  But we loved it even more this time around. It was quiet and peaceful, the views were beautiful, and no one required a tetanus shot (although Eric got his first sunburn since childhood – clouds can be deceiving). Don’t let the name scare you off (or do, we loved having the place to ourselves) and give it a try.

If that doesn’t convince you, maybe these will…

The Way Out

And as the plot of Russian Doll teaches us, sometimes it’s important to confront trauma and guilt from the past in order to live a more healthy and fulfilled present.  And sometimes it’s important to remember that we’re not alone in the world and to remind someone who’s struggling that they’re not alone in the world either.

So grab some therapy and a map and meet me on Junkanoo beach where I’ll be wearing the same bright yellow swim cover and will swear with disturbing certainty that: “I’ve been here before!”

Homework

In the spirit of learning from the past and helping our fellow man, please post your best advice for someone (Prof. Cruise!) planning her first Celebrity cruise aboard the Millennium.

Class dismissed.

See my other Bahamas port posts here.

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