I present the top 25 things I love about Holland America here both to inform those who are booked on or considering a cruise on the line, but also for the big cheese at corporate (picture me staring you down as you read these words, Stein Kruse and Gus Antorcha) as a plea to retain these features and resist pressure from your peers to go bigger and splashier and to squeeze every last nickel and dime from the social security checks of your most loyal passengers. Because if there’s one thing I have in common with Holland America, it’s that we’re both unapologetically unhip. And that’s what makes us so great. Right? RIGHT?
I’ll interpret your sudden coughing fit as a yes and continue on to the top 25 things I love about Holland America in 2023:
I’m going to start with libraries, because I literally wouldn’t be alive without them. Both of my parents started out as librarians. In fact they met and fell in love working at the library, so it’s no surprise that I spend more time (by an order of magnitude) pre-cruise selecting my books than I do packing anything else. And it’s no surprise that I LOVE libraries and really appreciate the Holland America ships that have large, comfy, well-stocked ones. And while pre-Covid many of us feared Holland America was doing away with traditional library spaces onboard, I was thrilled to see a dedicated and refreshed library space on the Westerdam recently. It was stocked with multiple copies of recent titles in a variety of genres that people may actually want to read and not tattered books written in a now extinct language about how to construct an earth oven or romance novels with questionable stains.
I’ve heard reports that quite a few other other HAL ships either have these new library spaces already or are getting them (please share to the comments if you’ve sailed on a ship with one recently). Here’s what the one on the Westerdam looked like:
My second favorite thing to do on a cruise is to walk laps around the promenade deck while listening to an audio book and stalking wildlife (Fun Fact: That song Every Breath You Take by The Police was actually about Prof. Cruise and a whale). It’s a good thing too, because my first favorite thing to do on a cruise is eat like I’m building up a reserve of fat for a protracted winter hibernation.
While at 3 laps per mile, it would take me approximately 75,000 laps to avoid cracking the scale upon my return home, “ouch!,” it would be even worse if I didn’t get out there 2-3 times per day, sometimes early or late to avoid crowds and sometimes at peak hours to walk with a buddy or wave at the other regulars as they pass by me at what seems a sprinter’s pace, clearly having trained for this at the mall.
I’ve been sorely disappointed recently on several non-HAL ships with no promenade deck that wraps all the way around the ship and is fully open to the public. I know what you Holland America loyalists are thinking: “serves her right!” And on this point, you are correct. Because if you love walking the promenade deck and understand that a small track on an open upper deck is NOT the same, Holland America is the line for you (although the promenade decks on the newer Pinnacle Class HAL ships aren’t as nice…what a shame).
I’ll save you the trouble, they’re real! Still, you’ll find them too perfect and spectacular and will doubt my credibility and grope them anyway: “OMG, they are real!” Holland America is known for having gorgeous fresh flowers onboard. It’s one of those small touches that really adds a lot to the experience and makes HAL unique.
While certain other lines, not naming names to protect the guilty (but it starts with a C and ends with an L and ranks as the number one cruise line for number of brawls and sunburned butt cheeks), display gorgeous looking cakes and pies that taunt your eyes but disappoint your buds, the small selection of pre-sliced and plated desserts available in the buffet on Holland America ships are just the opposite. While often not as impressive to look at, they will delight your tongue and may prompt you to recreate that famous scene from When Harry Met Sally: “I’ll have what she’s having!” And if that wasn’t enough, HAL buffets also offer a selection of hard ice cream, made-to-order crepes, warm bread pudding, and often a special dessert in the evening that would otherwise only be available in the dining room.
While I grieve for the intimate Lincoln Center Stage and for the B.B. King’s Blues Club (which still exists on some ships, but has been replaced with the, inferior in my opinion, Rolling Stone Rock Room on several others) and am on a one-woman crusade to bring them back, I still love the surviving music on HAL. Billboard Onboard and the 3rd Avenue West Band are among my favorites.
While I’ve never met a cruise ship I haven’t liked, for the same price, dates, itinerary, and departure port, I’d run faster than a well-caffeinated cheetah away from a mega ship and toward a small to medium-sized vessel, like those for which Holland America is known. HAL ships hold between (roughly) 1300-2700 passengers, which is the perfect range by my estimation.
Not so small that I’m identified as the ship eccentric before the anchor is even raised, “I hope I don’t get stuck at a table with her for dinner,” but not so large that it takes me 14 days of determined looking before I find the martini bar: “where can a gal find shaken vodka, chocolate liqueur, creme de cacao, and heavy cream around here?”
While I’ll cruise anywhere at any time short of Iowa during a presidential campaign season (I know you can’t cruise to Iowa – I just wanted to vent that I find U.S. politics exhausting), I’m particularly fond of the itineraries available on Holland America. Three of my favorite cruises ever were a 14-night sailing to Alaska on HAL, visiting some very uncommon ports like Homer, Anchorage (proper), and Kodiak, a 10-night Sea of Cortez sailing on the Zuiderdam, again visiting some very uncommon ports, this time in Mexico: La Paz, Loreto, Guaymas, and Topolobampo, and a 16-night sailing around New Zealand on the Noordam.
My two favorite f-words combined: free and food. I’d even go so far as to use that other f-word (beep) to crudely celebrate the free room service on Holland America: f**k yeah! While many other lines have started charging for most room service items, it remains complimentary on Holland America (with the exception of a few premium selections). There is a room service menu AND as long as the dining room is open, you can even order any item from the main dining room menu through room service at no extra charge.
I had to laugh on our New Zealand cruise one night when I walked in on my husband in our cabin looking guilty as he gorged himself on a giant steak, some french onion soup, and an ice cream sundae that he ordered through room service after we’d already eaten in the dining room and been for our traditional after dinner pass through the buffet. I was like, “no shame, sir!”
I mean, it’s bad enough that I have to cruise with the smell and scream of my own kid. But a bunch of other people’s kids? Don’t they have grandparents with doorsteps you can dump them off on as you skid out of the driveway yelling, “see you in a week, suckers!” Kidding, kidding (mostly). I generally love kids and deeply appreciate those who are kind and patient with my son when we travel. But I admit to enjoying the smaller number of kids on most Holland America sailings.
While I actually toggle back and forth between loving and hating this, it’s something that, pre-Covid, was unique to Holland America (it’s like they saw Covid coming years ago and decided to be ready), so I decided to include it.
I’m something like a pig at a trough at a buffet. If I didn’t fear a lifetime ban, I’d stick my whole face in a vat of mac and cheese, coming up only for air and dessert. Maybe that’s what prompted Holland America to have staff serve most items at the buffet. And while I acknowledge the wisdom in trying to limit the spread of germs and cut down on food waste, sometimes this leads to longer waits and smaller portions than I’ve come to expect at a buffet: “another six scoops please, so I don’t have to wait in this line again for seconds and thirds and….”
On a wholly positive note, I love the drink service in the buffets on Holland. Instead of having to get your own drinks – leading to extra trips and an unintended Arnold Palmer when two guests wielding lemonade and iced tea collide – servers will come around to your table and offer you a variety of complimentary beverages (or bar service) and will refill your glass as necessary.
One of my favorite activities on my latest HAL cruise was the EXC multi-media lectures given by our cruise director. They were highly engaging, well-written, fascinating, moving at times, and many of them were specific to our itinerary. I also enjoyed the other EXC programming, including cultural talks given by local experts brought onboard at port and nature experiences.
A partnership with BBC Earth provides Holland America cruisers with theater screenings of BBC Earth programming as well as magnificent concert events that combine live orchestra music with dramatic footage from BBC Earth. I especially enjoyed “Alaska in Concert,” featured on my Alaska cruise aboard the Zaandam and “Planet Earth II” onboard the Zuiderdam.
I love the signature blue and white Delft china on Holland America almost as much as the food served on it. No I don’t. Still though, it’s beautiful. And if you’re bored waiting for your food to arrive, you can play a “Where’s Waldo” type game with the bread plates called, “Where’s the HAL Logo?” See if you can spot it on this one:
The first rule of business? Know your customers. And it seems Holland America knows me particularly well. I almost never know what day it is, especially on vacation, and often find myself lost, wondering, “which direction am I walking?” And after a few drinks, sometimes I even forget which ship I’m on: “Well no wonder I can’t find O’Sheehans, I’m on the Eurodam!”
I love the “day of the week” rugs in the elevators (where do I get a set of these for my apartment?) and, while some lines have hallway carpet with fish swimming in the direction of the front of the ship, that’s far to subtle for me. I prefer “FORWARD” with a clear arrow.
The crews on Holland America ships are among the friendliest, most helpful, and professional of any line I’ve sailed. It’s always a pleasure to speak with them, learning more about their lives and home countries. And I truly appreciate how hard they work (usually to send money back home to support their families), going above and beyond to provide me with such a unique and wonderful experience. I always bring some extra $20 bills along to distribute on the last day to express my appreciation to my wait team, room steward, and the children’s programming staff (in addition to the automatic gratuity). I found these cute crew thank you cards on Amazon that I put the extra tip in along with a personal note of thanks:
You’ll find millions of dollars worth of art and artifacts throughout your Holland America ship. For example, HAL’s newest ship, the Rotterdam features pieces (photography, painting, sculptures, mixed media, illustration, and prints) by artists from 37 different nationalities that focus on themes of music, dance, and movement. The 2,645 piece collection is valued at 4.1 million dollars.
I can’t in good conscience recommend Holland America to split ends because complimentary high-quality Elemis bath products are provided in every stateroom category, including separate conditioner.
The main theater onboard your Holland America cruise will feature several evening performances from the Step One Dance Company, six world-class dancers who will wow you with, at times pulsing and at other times moving, choreographic sequences coupled with dramatic projected video images. Their show entitled, “Humanity” remains one of my all-time favorite cruise ship production shows and I really enjoyed their newest show, “Move,” on my latest HAL cruise. Don’t miss them!
I love cruise breakfasts and particularly enjoy a more relaxed and less chaotic experience in the main dining room. However, I also like lots of choices, particularly on long sailings, and sometimes find cruise line breakfast menus pretty limited (especially as a vegetarian). But the breakfast menu on Holland America is extensive and offers dozens of choices to satisfy both the egg on my right shoulder and the doughnut on my left shoulder, shouting at my brain to, “order savory,” “no, order sweet,” “savory!,” “sweet!” “Calm down, you two! I’ll order both the eggs benedict AND the croissant and bread pudding.” Plus, there’s vegetarian sausage (Morningstar Farms Veglinks), coconut milk yogurt, and vegan eggs available which I’ve never seen on another line. You can find the 2023 breakfast menu HERE.
In my estimation, Holland America’s casual burger and hot dog joint, Dive In, is the best at sea. It’s so good I’d battle weekday traffic and pay $35 (Seattle prices) for “The Freestyle” portabella mushroom burger and a side of fries in a suburban strip mall on land. And I’m currently printing flyers offering a reward to anyone who can reverse engineer the recipe for Dive In sauce.
We ordered every burger and dog on the 2023 menu on our last cruise onboard the Westerdam. You should do the same on your next HAL cruise (you can tell them Prof. Cruise made you do it, they’ll understand) and let me know in the comments which was your favorite. And did you know that you can now order Dive In via the Navigator App to avoid waiting in line?
You know HAL’s fruit crisps topped with vanilla ice cream must be exceptional because, despite being morally opposed to fruit in dessert, I order one every night! While the three photos above look almost identical, the fruit was different every night. Fruit crisps were another thing that went away for a time during Covid that I’m relieved are back.
I’m among the few who did not like the addition of pickleball courts to HAL ships in the beginning. Why? It wasn’t because I didn’t like the sport. In fact, it looked like loads of fun (I’m was just too busy eating 23 out of 24 hours each cruise day to find out). No, it was because I frequently cruise with my 10-year-old son who is a huge basketball fan and the conversion of onboard basketball courts to pickleball courts for a portion of each day means one less thing to keep him entertained and his fingers out of my food. But when my HAL bread pudding is on the line, I adapt! So what did I do? I taught my kid (and myself) how to play pickleball and now it’s an activity we can enjoy as a family on our Holland America cruises.
I love that Holland America still provides nightly bed chocolates. I always marveled at the willpower of the towel animals to not eat them until I noticed that they don’t have eyes.
While many cruise lines have trimmed and streamlined their menus to cut costs, Holland America still includes special “port to table” menu items specific to a particular itinerary. As an example, here are the special Alaska-themed menus we enjoyed on our recent HAL cruise:
In addition, HAL ships also offer special items from the line’s home port (also MY home port): Seattle! The Beecher’s mac ‘n cheese is my favorite and even though Beecher’s flagship store in Pike Place Market is located a block from my apartment, I still order it every day on my HAL cruises! Also look for Ivars clam chowder, Rainier cherries, and craft beer from Pike Brewing.
I affectionately refer to this one as “Qdoba at sea.” I say “affectionately” because Qdoba is my favorite land-based fast food restaurant. This complimentary taco/nacho bar, with an extensive selection of premium toppings, is located near the main Lido pool and open for lunch on many HAL ships. Unlike Qdoba and almost any other food option on HAL, it’s self-serve, so you can construct your dream nacho tower and won’t have to keep asking for, “more cheese PLEASE!”
If you’re looking for a floating amusement park, you’ll never get back the time it took you to labor through the previous 24 points. Points you now realize are totally irrelevant because Holland America is clearly not the line for you. Sorry about that – I should have started with this one. But if you enjoy a certain level of sophistication or aspire to sophistication even though you laugh at the occasional fart joke and consider flip-flops appropriate formal wear (what, they’re comfy and easy to pack), you’ll love HAL. For her art, for her music, for her flowers, for her libraries, for her promenade decks, for her food, for her service, for her enrichment activities, and for the best dam ships at sea. And with that…
Class Dismissed.
Homework (10 points): What did I miss? Share your favorite features of Holland America to the comments.
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