What Kind of Idiot Brings a Skateboard on a Cruise Ship?

This idiot:

Prof. Cruise suffers from a startling lack of common sense and clearly didn’t familiarize herself with the list of items prohibited on a cruise ship (for those similarly inclined to skip the fine print, I feel it’s important to point out that catapults are also banned):

But do you know who else brings a skateboard on a cruise ship?

This guy:

Let me explain the two different versions of this story. 

They both start out the same, with my 8-year-old yelling to Santa (due to distancing and masking protocols) at Pike Place Market in Seattle: I WANT A SKATEBOARD FEATURING A WHITE DEER WITH LIGHTENING COMING OUT OF ITS ANTLERS ON A BLUE BACKGROUND WITH LIGHT-UP WHEELS!”  To which Santa replied (clearly having not heard a word of what was just said): Oh, very nice!  Anything else?” No.

That was it. JUST the skateboard.

Now this is where the two versions deviate.

Version #1

Here’s the first version of the story, the one my 8-year-old believes happened:

Thankfully that wasn’t the real Santa at Pike Place Market.  The real Santa was busy at work at the North Pole and has magical abilities to know exactly what kids want for Christmas – no lap sitting or letter writing required.  He also knows precisely where every kid will be on Christmas morning, even if they’re on a cruise ship.  That’s what helicopter landing pads are for, obviously.

Version #2

The second version and the one that actually happened involves a stealthy Amazon purchase, an elaborate story about the odd-shaped extra bag I hurled over my shoulder and hauled through three different airports and stuffed into two different overhead bins, getting stopped by port security in San Diego where the skateboard was confiscated and handed over to ship security, multiple meetings with Guest Services and security onboard Holland America’s ms Zuiderdam, a rare and kind exception to a very clear and reasonable rule banning skateboards on cruise ships (consider it a Christmas miracle), covert wrapping on Christmas Eve, hiding the wrapped skateboard under the bed until Christmas morning, and then, finally, carefully placing the skateboard under our travel tree while I took a bite of the cookie and apple my 8-year-old left for Santa and Rudolph (who says parenting is thankless).

The two versions of the story end the same, with a very happy 8, soon to be 9-year-old (we had to bring both Christmas AND birthday gifts on this cruise!) on Christmas morning. 

We had to immediately return the skateboard to security as soon as my son opened it, but they were kind enough to let us check it out as we left the ship at each port and then turn it back in when we returned onboard.

The lesson in all of this is the following: Don’t bring a skateboard on a cruise ship! 

Unless you’re Santa.  Or playing Santa.  And with that…

Class Dismissed.

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