“H” here, Prof. Cruise’s overworked and underpaid teaching assistant, faithful travel companion, vocal food critic, “needs more sugar and less broccoli,” and the unfortunate recipient of many of her genetic quirks, such as a unibrow so blond it does nothing to break up her prominent forehead in dim light. But place either of us in full sun wearing a vertical stripped sweater over a white turtleneck and marvel at our likeness to Bert.
Anyway, I’m filling in for Prof. Cruise today while she road trips through Oregon without me (who’s going to bring her coffee, troubleshoot her technology, and point out that north is not whichever way you are facing?). And, even though I happen to be an expert on cruising with a baby or toddler, since I recently was one and have screamed through 13 muster drills…
…she’s asked that I please not deviate from her lecture notes.
But just between us, my best advice would be to let your baby or toddler eat whatever they want and never make them nap. And if you want to know the truth about how Prof. Cruise survived so many cruises with me, here it is: she brought a grandparent along to babysit while she took full advantage of the drink package. I finally bought her this shirt after a third ship banned her from karaoke.
Please don’t write any of that on the exam though. Otherwise, you’ll recognize me at embarkation by the naughty chair permanently affixed to my behind. Instead, write the following on the palm of your hand or under the bill of your cap:
Before you plan the perfect cruise only to have it turn National Lampoon on you after baby’s first flight – “oh I’m sure my little darling will just fall right into blissful slumber like he does in the car” – resulted in a persistent ringing in your ears and necessitated a wardrobe change for both baby and everyone within a three row radius of him, make sure [up]Chuck is actually old enough to sail. Because being booted out of the terminal, “come back when you’re six months, kid” would be a real bummer after your optimism was renewed at the discovery of a silver lining, “I think he’s lost his voice due to all that screaming on the plane!”
Most cruises require a baby be at least six months old, and for some itineraries the minimum age is one year. So you can either wait it out or outfit your “H” in a corduroy sport coat with elbow patches and a couple of prosthetic teeth and snag him a fake I.D. when you pick up yours, listing your date of birth as 15 years later so you can be the appropriate age for short shorts: “no, I’m 25, it says so right here.”
Either way, double check with the cruise line to make sure you know what the minimum age requirement is.
While most non-luxury lines have a youth program and family friendly activities, some lines and specific ships do a much better job of catering to the needs of and providing programming to kids under 3.
For example, Carnival will accept kids 2 and over into Camp Ocean and will change diapers. On most other lines, the minimum age is 3 and children must be potty trained.
We also love the open play times in the mornings on many Carnival ships where parents/grandparents are able to play with their babies and toddlers in the Camp Ocean facilities before they open to older kids.
Seuss at Sea is another great feature of Carnival ships, offering activities, books, and a brunch open to younger children. Check each specific ship to see what’s offered (or check out the reviews I’ve written here).
Seuss At Sea on Carnival
On NCL we love the Guppies Program, offering a play space and activities for parents and their babies over 6 months and toddlers under 3. It’s not available on every ship, so research in advance.
Many ships also offer an outdoor play space, a toddler pool, or a giant chess set. Be sure to check the rules regarding swim diapers as many ships won’t allow kids not potty trained in any pools (but a few have allowed it in designated toddler pools).
Car seats. After, “what crackpot institution gave you a Ph.D.?,” I get more questions about car seats than almost anything else. Do I need to bring a car seat? Will we be able to get around ports without a car seat? How can I manage a car seat with 6 bags hanging off me as I chase down my toddler running sprint drills like she’s training for the Junior Olympics?
Car seats are large and heavy and take up a lot of space in your cabin. If you can avoid bringing one, do. This is just one reason to consider booking an itinerary heavy on ports with things to do within walking distance of the cruise ship pier. Cruise line private islands are always a great option, but there are many other places with things to do near port. Peruse my ports of call page for ideas.
And on a related note…
When our son was very young, we usually avoided booking excursions and stuck to beach days or things we could do at port on our own. This allowed for more flexibility, made it easier to stick to his nap schedule, and was generally more fun for him anyway. You know your kids and family best, but consider that excursions are expensive and generally not very baby/toddler friendly (in fact, many have a minimum age limit).
Plus, if you lose the battle of the pants (I don’t know why my son always insists I wear pants out in public), and are too hot and embarrassed in your sailor set for a 6 hour bus tour of St. Thomas, you may have to eat the cost.
In an ideal world, babies and toddlers can book and cruise in their own rooms, “charge it to my Toys R Us card,” and you can escape to your balcony cabin across the ship anytime they start to emit foul odors or a scream so emphatic it causes nearby passengers to jump into a life raft fearing an abandon ship is imminent, “return to the vessel please, the mashed green peas have been removed from his tray.”
But in this world, the one where you’re responsible for warding off vitamin deficiency and sleep deprivation and where security will be called if you abandon him in the ice cream line, “that ought to keep him busy,” to hit the spa, selecting an appropriate stateroom for your baby or toddler’s individual needs is critical.
I’ve sailed in inside, oceanview, and balcony cabins with my young son and, while we have settled comfortably in camp, “inside,” there are advantages and disadvantages to each and one may work better than the others depending on your unique situation. Here are some factors to consider:
The biggest advantage to an inside stateroom is that it gets dark – and I mean so dark that I once, trying not to wake anyone with the bathroom light, accidentally wiped with Mr. Cruise’s sock instead of toilet paper (an unfortunate outcome for both of us) – at all hours of the day or night. This can be hugely helpful if you have a baby or toddler who won’t sleep if it’s too light or if he/she can see you in the room with them.
For us, being able to maintain a mostly regular sleep routine is the most important factor in keeping everyone happy while cruising and through lots of failed naps and early bedtimes with our son in rooms that never got dark enough, we decided insides worked best for us.
However, there are some drawbacks to inside cabins too. First, they tend to be smaller. This can be challenging with the extra gear required for traveling with an infant or toddler. And second, there is no balcony to retreat to while your little one naps or after he/she goes to sleep at night. You’re stuck in a tiny inside cabin. I’ve spent many an evening reading on the bathroom floor or watching Netflix under my covers while “H” snores away and happily dreams about a nicer family who will let him stay up to request “Little Bunny Foo Foo” at the piano bar.
Oceanview cabins are the worst of both worlds as far as I’m concerned and I’ve only booked them a few times. They let in too much light and they don’t offer a fresh air alternative to the bathroom floor where you’re at nose level with the diaper disposal bin. However, the times that I have booked them, my son has loved sitting up in the window and looking out. And on one occasion we snagged a “porthole” room on Carnival where the windows could be driven like a car and closed tight, blocking the light.
Notice how it’s dark outside in the adorable photo of a seemingly contented toddler above? That was taken after three hours of bribing, singing, snuggling, threatening, reading every book available in the ship’s library, and having the s-e-x talk because romance novels are overrepresented in cruise ship collections. Which explains his expression above – it’s a lot to take in on a vacation where you were promised Seuss At Sea and sandcastles but received no warning about that.
Not to belabor the point, but balcony cabins don’t get very dark while it’s still light outside. However, if that isn’t an issue with your baby or toddler, they are, perhaps, the best option. They tend to be larger and both you and your bitty travel companions will love sitting out there looking for sea creatures and shapes in the clouds and pier runners, “look here comes daddy with your extra diapers” (see below). And after your “H” goes to sleep, you can catch a sunset and breath in air that smells like the sea instead of poop.
You’ll be bribing your baby or toddler to “keep quiet” or “hold still” or “stop biting my ear!” with lots of chocolate chips, sugary cereal, and other cruise indulgences and what goes in must come out. At least until you reach my age when those 6 desserts per day start clinging to your ass like a Chinese finger trap. So be sure to pack buffet pants for yourself and extra diapers for your baby or toddler. And expect dinner with your Mr. or Ms. Cruise to include a tally of diaper changes where you’ll wonder if the romance is gone as one of you declares with a tone of victory, “yeah, but my blowout was green!”
There are, of course, many other packing considerations when cruising with a baby or toddler. Go here for Prof. Cruise’s tips on what to pack and not pack when cruising with a baby or toddler.
It’s bad enough that you have to eat dinner with your baby or toddler, “is escargot supposed to smell like poop? Oh, Jr., not again!” But that couple who just shipped their last of three off to college far, far away, “quick hug honey, mommy and daddy have a cruise to catch!” doesn’t want to make fish faces across the table, “would you mind entertaining her for just a second,” while you search for the binky she threw at them.
Kindly go here to learn how to request a private table. Otherwise you may be seated with strangers as is common practice on many lines if you have a set dining time (as opposed to anytime or freestyle dining).
While you originally planned this cruise for the precious moments together as a family, don’t be a hero. Traveling with a baby or toddler can be stressful – expect that and plan for it. While double-teaming will be necessary sometimes, like during meals, take shifts, going with a man-to-man defensive strategy at other times to allow each parent some rest and relaxation. Better yet, bring a grandparent along and pretend to get lost, “so sorry grandma, I couldn’t find my way out of the casino.”
While the thought of leaving a tropical paradise to head back to your dark interior stateroom for your baby’s noon nap may tempt you to “see how he does without it,” take my advice and don’t. Unless you have one of those adaptable, easy going babies or toddlers who can sleep anywhere, who will bait you into having multiple children because you think, “this isn’t so bad” until you end up with three teenagers at once and spend all your cruising money on therapy and pimple cream. My baby/toddler was not and will live out his fate as an only child.
Sticking to our son’s nap and bedtime routine made the time we spent together easier and happier for everyone.
Parenthood can chew you up in your trendy wool robe coat and spit you out wearing an actual robe, tattered and stained with spit up, as you clutch a bottle of Smirnoff. It ain’t easy. But parenthood is also sweet. And rewarding. And joyous. And funny. If through the smells and yells and tears and fears, you can remember to see the humor in it, you’ll be just fine.
And so it goes when cruising with a baby or toddler. My number one piece of advice is this: laugh. A lot. Even when you might feel like crying. And at night, when your “H” is finally asleep after walking him 232 lengths of the ship, kiss his cheeks and smell his hair and be reminded of why you love him so much. And then laugh as you vow, “even though I love him,” to never take him on another cruise, knowing that in a few weeks you’ll forget and book the next one.
And with that…
Class Dismissed.
Homework: Be sure to check out my packing tips for cruising with a baby or toddler here. Also, join Cruising 101 to have future lectures delivered straight to your e-mail (scroll up to the top right if on a computer or keep scrolling if on a mobile device) and follow Prof. Cruise on social media:
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