Cruise News: Carnival Boots Auctioned for $25,000 Won’t Ever Be Worn! (satire)
Carnival Auctions Branded Cowboy Boots for Charity
At festivities to welcome the new Carnival Jubilee to her homeport of Galveston on December 23, Carnival President Christine Duffy sported a custom pair of Carnival branded cowboy boots created by the Parker Boots Company that are now on permanent display onboard the ship. Later it was announced that a second pair of these boots would be auctioned off to raise money for Operation Homefront, a non-profit organization benefiting United States military families.
After a fierce online bidding war, Emerson Hankamer, CEO of Vacations To Go, an online travel agency, was announced the winner at the Carnival Jubilee naming ceremony on February 24 with a bid of $25,000. But that’s not where the story ends! The second place bidder, we’ll call him “Robert,” was also awarded a pair of the coveted boots after he agreed to match Emerson’s bid of $25,000. So, three-pairs of boots later, Operation Homefront was presented with a check for $50,000. But that’s not where the story ends either!
What started out as a heartwarming tale of corporate publicity disguised as philanthropy quickly took an ugly turn and nearly ripped one family apart!
A Pair of Carnival Cruise Cowboy Boots Leads to a Heated Family Confrontation
Robert’s wife “Nancy” was thrilled with her new cowboy boots, although she knew nothing of their $25,000 price tag. She just figured Robert picked them up at the shops on their most recent cruise for the hundred dollars in onboard shareholder credit they had. The price didn’t end up being the problem though (although she did eventually find out what he paid), it was their kids.
While Robert and Nancy are huge Carnival cruise fans, having achieved Diamond-level loyalty status on the line, their kids loathe cruising and prefer land-based vacations. In my interview with their youngest son “Jake” (who only agreed to be interviewed if I didn’t use his real name or those of his family members), I asked why he doesn’t like cruising. He answered by saying, “cruise ships aren’t just petri dishes, they are thousands of sunburned, obese, and inappropriately dressed petri dishes, brawling over who’s grown the most viruses, fungi, and bacteria.” And speaking of “inappropriate dress,” this is where things really turned ugly for Jake and his family.
Nancy, proud of both her son Jake’s musical theater aspirations and her new boots, showed up to watch her youngest star as Charlie Price in his high school production of “Kinky Boots.” However, she was greeted in the parking lot by her other two children who staged an ambush (her kids used the word “intervention” to describe the same encounter) in which she was informed that the name of the musical was “kinky” boots and not “tacky” boots and ordered her back home to change. At her resistance, the kids offered to pay double whatever their dad had paid for the boots if she’d “throw them in the school dumpster with all the cigarette butts and beer cans and knee-length skirts and used condoms where they belong!”
At this point Robert, knowing what he’d paid for the boots, turned on his wife and took the deal, later arguing that a $25,000 profit on the boots would buy a lot of Carnival cruises!
So, at the end of the day, Jake’s siblings no longer had college funds, Robert slept on the couch for two weeks while shopping for cruises, and those Carnival cruise boots took up residence among the company of a rusted out camper van and several dozen garden gnomes on the sprayed-on grass of the town eccentric because one man’s treasure is another man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
But the Story Doesn’t End There…
The first part of this story is 100% true. Carnival really did raise money for Operation Homefront via a winning $25,000 bid for branded cowboy boots by Emerson Hankamer, CEO of Vacations To Go, and then another $25,000 when Richard Hoefs (his real name) agreed to match Hankamer’s bid. However, the rest of this story was pure satire.
Now, wouldn’t it be great if the real story didn’t end? How about we, as cruise lovers, keep the story going by each pledging to donate a few dollars to Operation Homefront? Not to win some tacky or kick-ass (depending on your perspective) cowboy boots, but in honor of a veteran we know. For me, it’s my brother. He and his family have sacrificed so much for our country as have every one of our veterans and their families. Here’s a bit more about Operation Homefront and how you can donate…
Operation Homefront
The mission of Operation Homefront is to:
Build strong, stable, and secure military families so they can thrive, not simply struggle to get by, in the communities – OUR communities – they have worked so hard to protect.
A key aspect of our mission is to ensure that military families have access to the support and resources they need to stay strong, stable, and secure in the face of adversity. As a military family support organization, we strive to provide respect and understanding to our military families while ensuring that all families in need of assistance receive it.
You can learn more about Operation Homefront here:
And you can donate to Operation Homefront here (this link goes directly to their website, but I also encourage you to research this organization on your own so you know they’re legit and can learn more about all the great work they do):
And with that…
Class Dismissed!
Homework (10 points): Share to the comments what you think of those Carnival cowboy boots OR, even better, share the story of a brave veteran you know.
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Many organizations spent enormous amounts on fundraising – sometimes half or more. We’ve all gotten those calls.
I looked at Operation Homefront’s financials and they spend LESS than 8% on fundraising, so that over 90% of what they raise goes to run the organization and provide services. Wish they would have been around half a century ago when i went on active duty.