A Christmas Shopping Guide For Your Cruiser With A Sense Of Humor
Although my Christmas list looks like this every. single. year…
…here are some additional cruise-themed gift ideas for your cruise-loving friends and family or, better yet, to #treatyoself.
Cruise-Themed Christmas Gifts Perfect For The Office
Coffee Mug: This I Work To Fund My Cruising Addictionmug will convey to your boss just how passionate you are about your vacation, I mean vocation.
Stress Toy: A cruise ship stress toy to squeeze during tight deadlines and to throw at passive-aggressive coworkers.
Work Shirt: Wear this sweatshirt to your annual 401k meeting: “yes, I have a retirement plan – I plan to go on a cruise.”
Dress Socks: These cruise ship socks pair especially well with school girl skirts and lederhosen, but any ankle exposing work bottoms will do.
Door Sign: So every time someone knocks on your door you can say: “no offense, but please read the sign before entering so we start this conversation on the same page.”
Notebook: Call a meeting, pass each person one of these notebooks, and immediately sprint in the direction of your cruise, because quarterly goals can wait – all you need is vitamin sea!
Cruise Themed Christmas Gifts Perfect For The Home
Captain’s Shirt: This is one of those gifts that you tag with the name of your husband or boyfriend, but really intend for yourself. Dress your man in this cruise ship captain t-shirt and live out all your fantasies: “sure, I’d love a tour of your private quarters Captain.”
Cruise-Themed Lamp: Purchase the navy anchor one on the left for your classy friends and the neon LED cruise ship one for your tacky friend Prof. Cruise (no seriously, I want one of these for my desk).
Piggy Bank: You can use this “My Cruise Fund” piggy bank to store your husband’s credit card. Trust me, it will make you giggle every time you look at it.
Ornament: If you only have room on your Charlie Brown tree for one ornament, make it this cruise ship.
Playmobile Toy: Entertain your grandchildren with this Playmobile cruise ship toy. Or yourself. No judgement.
Christmas Gifts Perfect For A Cruise
Poo-Pourri: When you see how many desserts Prof. Cruise orders in the MDR following her 3 apps and 2 entrees, “one of everything please!,” you’ll want to subtly place this “ship happens” scented Poo-Pourri spray on the toilet and pray she uses it.
Extra Outlets: This cruise approved power strip with 3 three-pronged outlets and 2 USB ports for all your tech addicted friends.
Hat: This hat. See the photo below item #7 for an explanation as to why this is necessary.
Mug: An insulated travel tumbler to keep your coffee hot and your cocktails from spilling because, well, you’re ship faced.
Lanyard: This LED light up cruise lanyard serves two purposes. First, it’s just the right amount of classy to identify you as a Carnival cruiser (kidding, kidding – I love Carnival). And second, you’ll be the first one rescued if the ship capsizes.
Travel Compression Bags: Gift these compression bags to enable the over-packer in your life: “sure, pack 23 swimsuits for our Alaska cruise, honey.”
Cruise Hair, Don’t Care!
Gifts Perfect For A Christmas Cruise
Ugly Sweater: Even though you intend this equally festive and classy sweatshirt to serve as an extra layer in case it gets chilly in the MDR during Christmas dinner, don’t be surprised if it mistakenly gets entered into your ships “ugly sweater contest” and declared the undisputed winner even though it’s technically not a sweater.
Travel Tree: Slap this magnetic Christmas tree onto your stateroom wall and don’t worry about dry pine needles puncturing the bottoms of your feet until next Christmas.
Christmas Cards: Send these adorable cruise-themed Christmas cards to all your acquaintances stuck in frigid upstate New York for the holidays (that would be Prof. Cruise this year, but know that I will unfriend you faster than a Russian troll if you send me one).
Gift Wrap:Nautical wrapping paper, because even though your wife said, “the cruise is gift enough sweetie,” you’d be an idiot to think she really means that.
Cookies For Santa: Grab some cookies from the buffet to display on this adorable “cookies for Santa” plate, post photos to Instagram and ensure the kids are asleep before eating them, and come clean on Christmas morning with this “I Ate Santa’s Cookies” sweatshirt.
Dear Santa Kit: If your child or grandchild is worried about Santa finding him on the ship, don’t say what’s really on your mind: “how could you possibly believe that a man could remain jolly when he spends 11 months of the year working 24/7 as a production manager in a place too cold to even step outside for a smoke break and the other month getting peed and pooped and barfed on by terrified toddlers, red-faced and screaming through their photo op?” Instead, purchase this Dear Santa kit and help him compose a letter to the mythical jolly man with instructions on where to deliver his toys.
Santa Onesie: I know, first I knock Santa and now I’m asking you to dress like him. But hear me out. This Santa adult onesie will both allow you to effectively hide cruise bloating and weight gain and offer an excuse for eating 3 lunches: “I’m just trying to stay in character.”
Stocking: First you’ll need a nautical-themed stocking for stuffing.
Waterproof Phone Case: Then begin to fill it with this cellphone dry bag, perfect for the beach or pool or sitting on the toilet if you’re prone to embarrassing bathroom mishaps like Prof. Cruise.
Luggage Tags: These cruise luggage tags will encourage your New Year’s resolutions to plan ahead and become more organized. And they’ll survive the taxi ride to the pier, even if you don’t: “well at least we know where to send her bags.”
Travel Tide: Mr. Cruise gifts me these Tide travel sink packets every year with the hope that I’ll use them to rinse out my gym clothes instead of airing them out in the shower to wear again the next day.
First Aid Kit: A travel-sized first aid kit is essential if your spouse is prone to dramatic falls over his own two feet like Mr. Cruise. And by Mr. Cruise I mean me.
Seasick Meds:Bonine so you don’t spend half your honeymoon cruise in bed…barfing…like Mr. Cruise and I did.
Towel Clips + Romance Novel: This combination of adorable margarita towel clips and a ship-themed romance novel is perfect for aspiring chair hogs. While a towel secured with clips works fairly well to deter anyone from moving your stuff and taking your prime lounger while you hit Bingo, a romance novel positioned with the cover facing up will all but guarantee that the chair will be waiting for you 14 hours later after you’ve spent your child’s college fund trying to win a free 4-day cruise.
Hand Sanitizer: Hand sanitizer in case your fellow cruise-mates forget to washy washy, happy happy. If your wife complains that hand sanitizer does NOT count as a gift (this reminds me of the time my uncle gave my aunt post-it notes boxed and wrapped in a manner leading her to believe it was jewelry), tell her you anticipated this and went with the fancy French kind.
Thank You Cards: I saved these thank you cards for last because, while most of the items included in this guide were selected for being some combination of useful and humorous, this one I recommend with all seriousness. I suggest you pick up a pack of these cards before each cruise. Compose a hand-written note of thanks and include an extra cash tip inside for ship crew who have worked so hard, far away from their homes and families, to make your cruise vacation special.
Wishing you a joyous holiday season and a new year packed with cruises. And with that…
Class Dismissed.
Homework: It’s Christmas – even Prof. Cruise doesn’t give homework over Christmas! But feel free to check out my guide to cruising over Christmas (which we do every other year) and be sure to subscribe to the blog to receive new course materials directly to your e-mail (scroll up to the top right if on a computer or keep scrolling if on a mobile device) and follow Prof. Cruise on social media: