A lot of weird, fluky things have happened to my family and I recently and they have me seriously considering two ideas. First, pitching a new, original series to CBS called, “The Twilight Zone.” Wait, what? That’s already been done? Shoot! Well hear me out on my second idea with an open mind and a shorter memory. I’m going to invent a mobile bubble suit, wrap myself and each of my family members in one, and use this as inspiration for a comedy screenplay called, “Bubble Boy.” What do you mean Jake Gyllenhaal starred in that Touchstone Pictures movie in 2001?
I suppose I’ll just resume the regular, relatively uneventful and boring life I live between cruises until my son graduates from high school and I can finally get on with my real dream of living full-time on cruise ships, perhaps inspiring a romantic drama/comedy series I’ll pitch to ABC called, “The Love Boat.”
Seriously though, some really crazy things have happened both on land and at sea over the past few months. And one of them is the inspiration for this post! Here’s the lowdown:
On Land: First, Covid. My 9 year-old son, “H,” and I came home from a 16-day cruise with Covid. My husband, Mr. Cruise, never got it, so H and I had to isolate away from him in a single bedroom in our apartment for six days until we tested negative. I emerged malnourished (Mr. Cruise has many talents, but cooking isn’t one of them) and completely bald (my hair had to substitute for my usual yoga classes as a means of stress relief).
Second, once free from prison, I mean quarantine, on July 5th, a large metal directional sign in our parking garage broke free from one of two chains attaching it to the ceiling and proceeded to swing down with enthusiasm, like it had been waiting its whole life to take out the eye of a 9 year-old kid. Thankfully, it missed its target, instead causing a deep, long gash just above H’s eye. We headed to the emergency room at our children’s hospital where, it turns out, ALL the kids in Seattle hang out on the night after the 4th of July. After waiting 9 hours until 4am to be seen, we finally got him fixed up and headed home thankful for good medical care and two working eyes. We paid no mind to the rule of 3…
…until a few days later when I got horribly ill, first with severe stomach pain followed by debilitating nausea, body pain, fever, chills, dizziness, and fatigue. I spent 3 days in bed before gradually starting to feel better until a week or so later when the exact same pattern of illness repeated. This time I sought medical care and, after a trip to the ER and being evaluated by 4 different doctors at 4 different locations, no one could explain my abnormal urine and blood test results, including startling high (and I mean HIGH) liver numbers.
It was only a few days later when I was texting with a family member about my strange illnesses that I was alerted to the recall of Daily Harvest’s Lentil and Leek Crumble, the very same crumble I’d eaten just prior to becoming ill each time. And as of today, over 450 people have reported becoming severely ill with similar symptoms and abnormal liver numbers (over 20 of them actually had to have their gallbladders removed!) after eating the crumble. Poisoned by a health food! On dry land! Go figure!
At Sea: That brings us to my cruise on the Carnival Sprit, which I embarked on just a few days after recovering from my illnesses and vowing to eat nothing but cruise food and processed junk for safety reasons. In fact, I ordered ALL of the buffet cake on embarkation day to both test out my stomach and put my new eating philosophy into practice:
Then I went to check out my cabin and thought I must be ill again, delusional from a high fever. I took my temperature and double-checked my paperwork to verify that I’d booked and received an “inside” cabin – 98.6 degrees and sure enough, inside.
Take a tour of cabin 4122 and find out why I was so confused (and delighted!):
For those of you who still like to read and are mad at me for posting a video (don’t worry, I haven’t gone to the dark, more profitable, vlogging side), here was the takeaway…
My “inside” cabin had a giant floor to ceiling window! And even had a view between two lifeboats! Here are the details of these unique cabins, possibly the best cabin value at sea (you will pay slightly more, a few dollars per person per day for these cabins, but it’s a small amount and well worth it)!
These are 4K, “Inside Comfort” cabins:
And there are two cabins in particular (4122 and 4123) that you want to look for because they are located directly between lifeboats, meaning you’ll get a view (many of the 4K cabins are almost totally or totally obstructed, located directly behind a lifeboat, but even in those you still get some natural light):
If those two cabins aren’t available, go with cabin 4140, 4141, 4148, or 4149. If THOSE aren’t available, try cabins 4111, 4112, 4114, 4115, 4130, 4131, 4132, 4133, 4138, 4139, 4146, or 4147. Try to avoid the cabins in the above deck plan that are located directly behind the gray ovals.
After seeing our amazing cabin on the Spirit and suffering no ill effects from 20,000 calories worth of buffet cake (except for an epic sugar crash that had me taking my bed for a test run), I started to think my streak of absurd and unpleasant luck had ended. Things were looking up! However, a really weird thing happened midway through our sailing. Our mini-fridge disappeared! Even though I’d been storing buffet cake in it for days (because it’s only served at lunch and sometimes I like some for a little evening snacky snack), I had to go back to my earlier photos and videos to verify that I hadn’t imagined it.
Sure enough, we started with a fridge and then, one day, with no word from our cabin steward or anyone else, it was gone. Vanished! This sudden departure prompted me to suspect that Carnival was losing money on me by way of buffet cake consumed, but also inspired another idea for an original television show I plan to pitch to HBO: The Leftovers. It will be about a global event that resulted in 2% of the world’s fridges disappearing.
But that was just an odd blip. Let’s get back to things I loved about this cabin. In addition to the surprise window, I loved the…
This was one of the largest “inside” cabins I’ve ever sailed in. With a full couch, large desk, and ample storage, it felt huge (if that’s even a word that’s allowed to be in the same sentence with “cruise cabin”). It was much, much larger than the balcony cabin I stayed in just a few weeks prior on the Norwegian Spirit (it seems I only sail in ships named “Spirit” these days).
This cruise on the Spirit was from our home port of Seattle and within walking distance of our downtown apartment, so I didn’t worry about overpacking – I just threw everything I thought we could possibly need or want in a giant wheeled suitcase. Basketball? Sure! Sometimes there aren’t enough basketballs provided on the ship court. Throw it in! Giant ankle length winter coat fit for an Arctic scientist? Sure! Don’t want to get cold! Life-sized Lenny Kravitz blowup doll? I mean, it was just my son and I on this cruise and sometimes he’s not very talkative at dinner. Throw him in the suitcase with an electric air pump!
Even so, all our stuff only filled about 1/3 of the storage space we had available (not that I’d ever put Lenny in a closet unless I was trying to hide him from Mr. Cruise).
Speaking of storage, there were two drawers in the couch that opened for extra storage. And, sorry for burying the lead, but there was a FULL-SIZED COUCH. In an inside cabin! My son loved hanging out on it to watch TV or for a late-night snack on the accompanying table.
As those who faithfully follow my blog can attest, I did no work on this cruise. However, we appreciated the large desk area for storing our electronic devices. There was also a bunch of additional storage in it where I kept my more private bathroom items (I’ll get to the open bathroom shelving in my “didn’t love” section forthcoming).
And of course, this cabin included the standard safe, television, and helpful literature.
I don’t know why I’m smiling in the above photo (see it?), because only having one outlet in the cabin was hugely inconvenient. Plan for this (I’ll offer a suggestion in my “Tips” section)!
It’s not the short cord, permanently attached to the wall, that will kill you. It’s a toxic combination of carpal tunnel syndrome, dehydration, and starvation. This hair dryer had so little power, you’ll be holding that darn button down (you have to manually hold the black button down to operate it) for three full days and nights just to dry your husband’s anemic combover, I mean lush locks.
As usual I hate the open bathroom shelving (I mean, if you want to explain what a period is to your kid, go ahead and store your feminine hygiene products on them…#lessonlearned), the magnifying mirror (why don’t they provide mirrors that make your pores and wrinkles look SMALLER?), and the “shampoo” (see my “tips” section below for further description).
While the fridge went missing midway through, the business end of the standard shower clothesline was absent from the start.
All in all, the good things about this cabin outweighed the bad and here are a few packing tips to help eliminate some of the negatives:
Tip 1: Pack cruise compliant extra outlets. I recommend:
It’s highly rated, designed and approved for cruise ships, and available to purchase on Amazon here.
Tip 2: Pack your own shampoo. Instead of using these to sneak booze onboard…
…use them for their legit purpose, to sneak shampoo onboard (I mean, we don’t want to hurt the feelings of the Carnival employee who captured toxic chemical runoff and rebranded it as shampoo).
Tip 3: Bring your own hair dryer. I have this one and love it:
Life is weird. But cruising is great. ESPECIALLY when it’s weird. And my 4K inside cabin on the Carnival Spirit was weird in the best possible way. And with that…
Class Dismissed.
Homework (10 points): How many of the television/movie references in this post did you actually get? Share to the comments. Winner receives a virtual ship on a stick! Also, check out my Guide To Complimentary Dining Venues On Carnival.
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