I just returned from my shortest cruise ever (not a record I’m proud of) on Holland America’s Ms. Eurodam. I both enjoyed every second of it and simultaneously found it an immensely cruel form of torture as I counted down the hours until disembarkation like I was headed for the gallows, trying to decide on where to eat my last meal: buffet, dining room, or room service (for the record I decided on all three).
In addition to the 40,000 calories I managed to consume in under 24 hours, I was also reminded of all the things I love about Holland America. I present my top 20 here both to inform those who are booked on or considering a cruise on her, but also for the big cheese at Holland America (picture me staring you down as you read these words, Stein Kruse) as a plea to retain these features and resist pressure from your peers to go bigger and splashier and to squeeze every last nickel and dime from the social security checks of your most loyal passengers. Because if there’s one thing I have in common with Holland America, it’s that we’re both unapologetically unhip. And that’s what makes us so great. Right? RIGHT?
I’ll interpret your sudden coughing fit as a yes and continue on to the top 20 things I love about Holland America:
Oprah. I mean, need I say more? I could start and end this lecture right here and you’d exit the classroom (browser) satisfied with my course content for, perhaps, the first time ever.
Holland America has a partnership with O Magazine and offers a book club (with books loaned out for free to participants), Oprah inspired activities like morning meditation, and some of Oprah’s “favorite things” available for purchase in onboard gift shops.
Both of my parents started out as librarians, so it’s no surprise that I spend more time (by an order of magnitude) pre-cruise selecting my books than I do packing anything else. And it’s no surprise that I LOVE libraries and really appreciate the Holland America ships that still have large, comfy, well-stocked ones. Sadly, it seems that even HAL is moving away from them. However, you’ll also love ships that have the Explorations Cafe, presented by the New York Times. Relax there with a book or board game, a specialty coffee (for an extra fee), and a delicious complimentary pastry. You can even read the New York Times for free via the Holland America Navigator app.
My second favorite thing to do on a cruise is to walk laps around the promenade deck while listening to an audio book and stalking wildlife (fun fact: that song Every Breath You Take by The Police was actually about Prof. Cruise and a whale). It’s a good thing too, because my first favorite thing to do on a cruise is eat like I’m building up a reserve of fat for a protracted winter hibernation.
While at 3 laps per mile, it would take me approximately 63,000 laps to avoid cracking the scale upon my return home, “ouch!,” it would be even worse if I didn’t get out there 2-3 times per day, sometimes early or late to avoid crowds and sometimes at peak hours to walk with a buddy or wave at the other regulars as they pass by me at what seems a sprinter’s pace, clearly having trained for this at the mall.
I’ve been sorely disappointed recently on several non-HAL ships with no promenade deck that wraps all the way around the ship and fully open to the public. I know what you Holland America loyalists are thinking: “serves her right!” And on this point, you are correct. Because if you love walking the promenade deck and understand that a small track on an open upper deck is NOT the same, Holland America is the line for you.
I’ll save you the trouble, they’re real! Still, you’ll find them too perfect and spectacular and will doubt my credibility and grope them anyway: “OMG, they are real!”
While certain other lines, not naming names to protect the guilty, display gorgeous looking cakes and pies that taunt your eyes but disappoint your buds, the small selection of pre-sliced and plated desserts available in the buffet on Holland America ships are just the opposite. While often not as impressive to look at, they will delight your tongue and may prompt you to recreate that famous scene from When Harry Met Sally: “I’ll have what she’s having!”
I also find the pre-made sandwiches on the lunch buffet particularly unique and tasty. The one pictured above featured roasted beets and cream cheese.
With their signature Music Walk, multiple music venues located in close proximity, Holland America offers the BB King Blues Club, the Lincoln Center Stage for classical selections, Billboard Onboard for contemporary hits, and the new Rolling Stone Rock Room featured on HAL’s two youngest ships, the Nieuw Statendam and the Koningsdam. In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m completely tone deaf, but I consider the live music on Holland America the best on any line.
While I’ve never met a cruise ship I haven’t liked, for the same price, dates, itinerary, and departure port, I’d run faster than a well-caffeinated cheetah away from a mega ship and toward a small to medium-sized vessel, like those for which Holland America is known. HAL ships hold between (roughly) 1300-2700 passengers, which is the perfect range by my estimation.
Not so small that I’m identified as the ship eccentric before the anchor is even raised, “I hope I don’t get stuck at a table with her for dinner,” but not so large that it takes me 14 days of determined looking before I find the martini bar: “where can a gal find shaken vodka, chocolate liqueur, creme de cacao, and heavy cream around here?”
While I’ll cruise anywhere at any time short of Iowa during a presidential campaign season (I know you can’t cruise to Iowa – I just wanted to vent that I’m already exhausted from this U.S. election and it’s still over a year away!), I’m particularly fond of the itineraries available on Holland America. My favorite cruise ever was a 14-day sailing to Alaska on HAL, visiting some very uncommon ports like Homer, Anchorage (proper), and Kodiak.
My two favorite f-words combined. Free and food. I’d even go so far as to use that other f-word (beep) to crudely celebrate the free room service on Holland America: f**k yeah! While many other lines have started charging for most room service items, it remains complimentary on Holland America (with the exception of a few premium selections). Here’s the menu:
I mean, it’s bad enough that I have to cruise with the smell and scream of my own kid. But a bunch of other people’s kids? Don’t they have grandparents with doorsteps you can dump them off on as you skid out of the driveway yelling, “see you in a week, suckers!” Kidding, kidding (mostly). I generally love kids and deeply appreciate those who are kind and patient with my son when we travel. But I admit to enjoying the smaller number of kids on most Holland America sailings.
While I actually toggle back and forth between loving and hating this, it’s something unique to Holland America, so I decided to include it.
I’m something like a pig at a trough at a buffet. If I didn’t fear a lifetime ban, I’d stick my whole face in a vat of mac and cheese, coming up only for air and dessert. Maybe that’s what prompted Holland America to have staff serve most hot items at the buffet. And while I acknowledge the wisdom in trying to limit the spread of germs and cut down on food waste, sometimes this leads to longer waits and smaller portions than I’ve come to expect at a buffet: “another six scoops please, so I don’t have to wait in this line again for seconds and thirds and….”
On a wholly positive note, I love the drink service in the buffets on Holland. Instead of having to get your own drinks – leading to extra trips, and an unintended wet t-shirt contest when two guests wielding water and lemonade collide – servers will come around to your table and offer you a variety of complimentary beverages and will refill your glass as necessary.
Do you either love to cook or marvel at others who can cook well because you nearly burned down your college dorm as the result of an ill-advised attempt to warm soup in a toaster (what, I was too lazy to walk down the hall to the shared kitchen)? Well you’ll love Holland America’s free expert cooking demonstrations, presented on a set reminiscent of that of the beloved television series, and the recipe cards you can take home. Holland America’s partnership with America’s Test Kitchen means you’ll have delicious new foods to try (and the confidence to cook them) even after disembarkation.
While every line has vegetarian items available in the main dining room, Holland America is the only line I’ve sailed on with such an extensive and high quality vegetarian/vegan menu. Items from the vegetarian/vegan menu will need to be ordered the night before – just let your wait team know you’d like to do this and they will explain the procedure and accommodate. I’ve tried nearly all the selections and have found them all delicious. Here’s the menu:
The first rule of business? Know your customers. And it seems Holland America knows me particularly well. I almost never know what day it is, especially on vacation, and often find myself lost, wondering, “which direction am I walking?” And after a few drinks, sometimes I even forget which ship I’m on: “well no wonder I can’t find O’Sheehans, I’m on the Eurodam!”
I love the “day of the week” rugs in the elevators (where do I get a set of these for my apartment?) and, while some lines have hallway carpet with fish swimming in the direction of the front of the ship, that’s far to subtle for me. I prefer “FORWARD” with a clear arrow.
The crews on Holland America ships are among the friendliest, most helpful, and professional of any line I’ve sailed. It’s always a pleasure to speak with them, learning more about their lives and home countries. And I truly appreciate how hard they work (usually to send money back home to support their families), going above and beyond to provide me with such a unique and wonderful experience. I always bring some extra $20 bills along to distribute on the last day to express my appreciation to my wait team, room steward, and the children’s programming staff (in addition to the automatic gratuity).
While I’m generally not a fan of fruit in dessert, I make an exception for the fruit crisps topped with vanilla ice cream available on most nights in the MDR on Holland America. They’re the perfect combination of hot and cold and buttery and sweet and come in interesting flavors like banana (that’s banana pictured above) and pineapple.
In 2018, Holland America contracted with ArtLink, a London-based art curator, replacing Park West Gallery which supplies most other cruise lines. The art on display and available to purchase in ship galleries is exclusive to Holland America and comes from emerging artists from ports visited by the line. While I normally pass through cruise ship art galleries not paying them much attention (because after so many cruises, it all looks the same to me now and feels a bit gimmicky), I actually stopped to look at every piece on the Eurodam and, if I were in the market for art, might actually consider purchasing something because it’s so unique. I also loved the simple, clean way it was displayed, without a bunch of tacky overly ornate chipped frames – it felt like a legit land-based gallery, one I’d go out of my way to visit.
You’ll also find millions of dollars worth of art and historical artifacts throughout your Holland America ship and can learn more about them through HAL’s Gallery Walk program, offering a self-guided digital tour (stop by the gallery or guest services to find out where to pick up your listening device).
A partnership with BBC Earth provides Holland America cruisers with theater screenings of BBC Earth programming as well as magnificent concert events that combine live orchestra music with dramatic footage from BBC Earth. I especially enjoyed “Alaska in Concert,” featured on my Alaska cruise aboard the Zaandam in 2018.
I love cruise breakfasts and particularly enjoy a more relaxed and less chaotic experience in the main dining room. However, I also like lots of choices, especially on long sailings, and sometimes find cruise line breakfast menus pretty limited (especially as a vegetarian). But the breakfast menu on Holland America is extensive and offers dozens of choices to satisfy both the egg on my right shoulder and the doughnut on my left shoulder, shouting at my brain to, “order savory,” “no, order sweet,” “savory!,” “sweet!” “Calm down, you two! I’ll order both the vegetable scramble AND the Texas bread french toast.” Plus, there’s vegetarian sausage available (Morningstar Farms Veglinks), which I’ve never seen on anther line (pictured with the vegetable scramble above). Here’s the menu:
If you’re looking for a floating amusement park, you’ll never get back the time it took you to labor through the previous 19 points. Points you now realize are totally irrelevant because Holland America is clearly not the line for you. Sorry about that – I should have started with this one. But if you enjoy a certain level of sophistication or aspire to sophistication even though you laugh at the occasional fart joke and consider flip-flops appropriate formal wear (what, they’re comfy and easy to pack), you’ll love HAL. For her art, for her music, for her flowers, for her food, for her service, for her activities, and for the best dam ships at sea. And with that…
Class Dismissed.
Go here for all the restaurant, bar, and room service menus I collected on my most recent sailing aboard Holland America and don’t forget to subscribe to the blog to receive new Cruising 101 content direct to your e-mail (scroll up to the top right if on a computer or keep scrolling down if on a mobile device) and follow Prof. Cruise on social media:
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