15 Tips for Staying Fit on a Cruise Ship

People always ask me how I stay so fit while cruising for a living (truth bomb: not a single person has ever asked me that).  So I’ve compiled my 15 best tried and tested tips for staying fit on a cruise ship. 

*Disclaimer: It’s best not to consult with your doctor before trying this cruise ship fitness program.

1. Test out the motion sensor on the elevator.  If it doesn’t work, you’ll instantly lose 3 inches from your beer belly.

2. Find the motivation to run by busting into the security office and attempting to steal all the confiscated booze.

3. Wear an offensive political mask and bait a lib or a red hat into wrestling you.

4. Keep your fingers nimble by pushing every button in the elevator each time you get on.

5. Construct a makeshift set of dumbbells at the buffet by piling 10 pounds of mac n cheese on one plate and 10 pounds of mashed potatoes on another.

6. Need even more motivation to run? Book an independent shore excursion scheduled to drop you back off at your ship 10 minutes before sail away.

7. Chug 3-5 specialty coffees prior to the sail away party to increase your stamina on the dance floor.

8. Swimming is great exercise!  But skip the boring laps and volunteer for the belly flop contest!

9. Stick to frozen cocktails – your body burns more calories trying to stay warm. 

10. Wait until the last day to visit guest services (you’ll be standing…in line…a looooong time).

11. Make a friend (with benefits) at the solo gathering.

12. Have your cabin steward separate the queen bed into two singles, so you can jump from one to the other.  Weeeeeeee!

13. Practice your karate moves on unruly kids.

14. Book a mega ship and spend half your cruise wandering around looking for the skydiving simulator (I never did find it on the Ovation of the Seas).

15. Run over to a window every time someone says they see wildlife even though you NEVER see any.

I hope you found these tips – approved by no expert anywhere – helpful!  Be sure to share anything I missed in the comments. 

And with that…

Class Dismissed.

Homework (10 points): Check out the 10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before My First Cruise. And be sure to follow Prof. Cruise on social media:

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*Real disclaimer: As a college professor, I once had a student include an Onion article as part of a literature review. As such, I feel it prudent to point out that this entire post is satire. Please do not try any of these things to stay fit on on a cruise ship. Or include this article in an academic paper and claim that a professor recommended it.