Passengers Thrilled at the Return of NCL’s Most Popular Pre-Covid Entertainment Offering (satire)

Online forums are abuzz with excitement today at the recent announcement that cruising’s most beloved pre-covid entertainment offering would be returning to Norwegian Cruise Line, effective immediately: synchronized in-person muster drills!

While not the first, NCL promises its revived in-person muster drill will be the best!

Disney was the first line to bring back traditional mustering, hyping it in glossy mailings featuring Mickey and Minnie donning life jackets and giving each other an exuberant high five with caption: Our muster drills are the happiest place on earth! However, NCL seems determined to make their experience even better. A statement issued by the NCL’s president read:

Our revived in-person muster experience will lead the industry! We promise…

We’ll pack you in the tightest, moving muster stations from outdoor decks, restaurants, and theaters, to cramped public restroom stalls where we’ll keep the hot water running in every sink to maximize heat and humidity!

Our waits will be the longest as we check under every bed and restaurant table and in every closet and shower for eluding guests!

Youngsters on our ships will scream the loudest as we open our safety briefing with an early scene from Andy Muschietti’s movie adaptation of Stephen King’s classic novel “IT” where a maniacal clown hiding in a storm drain rips the arm off young Georgie: “Consider this a warning kids. If you don’t pay close attention, you’ll surely meet a similar fate!” Disney may have Mickey, but we have Pennywise!

And finally, our brawls will be the bloodiest as we promise “drinks on the house for the next 30 minutes” at every bar right before shutting them down for the mandatory muster drill.

Entertainment is our number one priority. We continuously evaluate our offerings in light of guest feedback and are thrilled to welcome you back to synchronized muster drills on embarkation day across all vessels in the fleet!

Early reaction from NCL passengers has been overwhelmingly positive!

“I have wonderful memories of my first Muster Drill 5 years ago on my honeymoon cruise onboard the Norwegian Breakaway. My wife and I were jammed so close together it saved us the trouble of having to consummate our marriage later that evening, which gave us more time in the casino to lose all our wedding money.”

“My grandson has started accepting my calls again, not fearing having to walk me through how to watch the pre-cruise safety video on my phone.”

“I was never popular in high school and I love all the attention I get by showing up last for the muster drill!”

Will other lines follow?

Pressure is mounting on Carnival, Celebrity, Holland America, Royal Caribbean, and Princess to follow. But as we’ve learned, some of the things we loved most pre-covid like long commutes sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic, shopping for our own groceries, and in-person muster drills may not be coming back. And with that…

Class Dismissed!

Homework (10 points): How do you feel about returning to in-person mustering? Share to the comments! And go HERE if you enjoy cruise satire.

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