I’ve always believed in setting the bar low, except when it comes to the limbo, in which case the horizontal bar should be secured at 5 feet 4 inches for the duration of the game so I can pass under it in a fully upright position. My flexibility has suffered since I had to quit yoga class and dramatically alter my appearance after my Revolved Triangle Pose resulted in a sound akin to an elephant trumpet and a smell one might associate with her sadly neglected enclosure at the zoo. There should really be a warning posted at Taco Bell like that one about certain medications and heavy machinery: “please avoid twisting poses after eating this bean burrito.”
Anyway, all through high school and college I prepared myself and my parents for unfavorable grades on exams and important assignments by insisting that, “I definitely failed it.” And my original tagline for this blog was: your ship may sink and this blog does stink.
I’d rather hear, “at least the ship didn’t sink” and “her blog isn’t that bad” than, “the service was slow and the food was cold” and “she calls herself a proffessor, but she can’t even spell professor.”
So if I was going to name a beach resort, I’d call it something like, “Chernobyl Beach.” And certainly not “Paradise Beach.” Talk about a lot to live up to!
But someone thought it was a good idea to name a beach resort in Cozumel just that: Paradise Beach. And use adjectives like “fabulous” to describe it on their website.
So did it live up to the hype? Or go the way of this blog post: “I’ll never get that time back!”
Here’s how it went for us. I chose an overpriced all-inclusive beach resort in Cozumel that would require I consume something like 15 margaritas to get my money’s worth. That wouldn’t be a problem except that the beach was a 30+ minute cab ride away from the cruise terminal and I’d have to stop at least 6 times on the way back to the ship to pee. Luckily my mother-in-law found a much nicer beach resort that cost a lot less and was significantly closer. And I had to admit, once again, that she is the superior “Johnson” (name has been changed to protect the guilty – me) woman.
So when deciding on a beach for Cozumel, ask yourself the following questions:
1) Do you want an all-inclusive resort or not?
2) How much do you want to spend?
3) How far are you willing to travel from the cruise pier?
4) Do you want to risk running into Prof. Cruise?
Now, if you answered either yes OR no to #1, between $13-$81 per adult for #2, between 10-15 minutes to #3, and a tentative “I’ll risk it” to #4, then Paradise Beach is the place for you!
Yes. And no. There are a number of different options available at Paradise Beach depending on the kind of experience you’re looking for. If you plan to eat and drink a lot and/or you stop being able to do simple math after your first drink and want to anticipate in advance what your final bill will look like, consider the all-inclusive package.
On the other hand, if you’re looking for a beautiful, relaxing beach day with lunch and a drink or two, consider going à la carte.
And finally, if you’re looking for an exciting and active day of ocean activities, consider purchasing the Fun Pass.
The cost for an all-inclusive package is as follows (always double check prices on their website as costs can change):
$63 adults
$44 children 12-17
$38 children 5-11
Free for children 4 and under
Included in this price is the following:
If you don’t want to purchase the all-inclusive package, a $3 entrance fee plus a minimum purchase of $10 per person in food or drinks will score you a lounge chair at the beach or pool, use of the facilities (restrooms, showers, and changing rooms), and free wifi. Because we had a young child with us who needed a nap and didn’t plan to stay all day, this is the option we selected.
As an add-on to either of the above options, you can also purchase a “Fun Pass” for $18 per person that will grant you unlimited access to the following water activities:
Here are the food and drink menus to help you decide how you want to approach your day:
Paradise Beach is located 5 miles from the cruise pier in a very safe tourist area of Cozumel. It takes between 10 and 15 minutes to get there depending on traffic at the pier.
Cost for a standard taxi is $14 or $15 each way depending on where your ship is docked. Van taxis that seat up to 8 people are also available for $30 each way.
Cozumel was our very first port on a 21 day cruise from New Orleans to Seattle with full transit through the Panama Canal. It turned out to be one of our most relaxing days and we would definitely visit Paradise Beach again.
The grounds were beautiful and clean, the food and drinks – while a bit overpriced in my estimation – were delicious, and the beach was lovely if you kept your gaze to the left (the water toys ruined the view off to the right for me, but with older kids they would likely add a lot to the experience). Overall, we loved it. And the best part? After a wonderful day at port, we returned to our ship knowing we still had nearly three weeks of vacation left. Now that’s my idea of paradise!
Class Dismissed.
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