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By way of a quick introduction, I’m Sarah, also known as “Prof. Cruise.” I retired after 10 years as a college professor to pursue my passion for cruising, moving across the country to Seattle where I now live downtown and within a five minute walk of the NCL cruise terminal at Pier 66. My passion for cruising is only equaled by my love for Alaska. I’ve cruised there so many times locals now wave to me, ask me to take in their mail when they travel, and flag me down to see if they can borrow a cup of sugar to which I reply, “you know I don’t actually live here, right?” I’ve cruised to Alaska dozens and dozens of times on nearly every cruise line and itinerary.
Anyway, the cruise I’m reporting on here was my second on the Bliss to Alaska, but was significant in that it was the very first Alaska cruise across all lines and ships of the 2024 season. It was also my first time cruising solo on the Bliss (last time I had my son with me). The itinerary included port stops in Sitka, Juneau, Icy Strait Point, Ketchikan, and Victoria and an evening sailing through the Endicott Arm Fjord (where we were supposed to view the Dawes Glacier, but couldn’t get close enough due to ice and weather conditions). I’ll be providing a detailed trip report from each day as well as highlighting some features I loved about the Bliss (and a few I didn’t) and some tips for those booked on or considering her. But first, here are three links to get you started. The first two are videos, one a full ship tour and one a cabin tour. The third takes you to all the dining menus (MDR, specialty, fast casual, room service, and more) I collected onboard. As always, feel free to ask questions or share your own experiences on the Bliss to the comments.
Theme of day one on the Bliss: Cruising solo. Here are some photos that capture my first few hours onboard the Bliss.
Photo 1: Looking at my apartment from the aft of the ship while making faces at my husband and son and dog who are stuck at home. Also taunting them: “Neener, neener, neener!”
Photo 2: The chocolate covered strawberries I polished off all by myself because I’m cruising solo and so very thankful I don’t have to share.
Photo 3: The desserts I’m hoarding in my mini fridge for late night emergencies. With no one to judge me.
Photo 4: Me doing angels on the big bed for one.
Photo 5: A basket of carbs all for me.
These photos could also be used as evidence for why I’m not mature enough to work a real job.
Not that I’m in a rut or anything, but ever since I started sailing on NCL back around 2350 BC (when they still allowed animals onboard and Captain Noah was at the helm), I’ve eaten lunch on embarkation day in the main dining room and have ordered the exact. same. thing. 40,000 hush puppies later and they’re still delicious! Here’s everything I ordered (both Taste and Savor opened for lunch around 11:45am):
Photo 1: Five spice mango tapioca pudding
Photo 2: Sweet corn hush puppies
Photo 3: Orange chocolate mousse
Photo 4: Risotto primavera with pesto
Photo 5: Roasted tomato soup
I ate my dinner in the MDR tonight. And I’m going to say something extremely controversial now because I know no one reads my commentary when I post food pics. So here goes it: I’m voting for Trump in the upcoming U.S. presidential election. No just kidding, I’m voting for Biden. No actually I’m voting for Kennedy. Or maybe I’m going to sit this one out in protest. So now that I’ve offended the four people who bothered reading to this point, I’m going to say what I really came here to say: I think NCL’s version of chocolate lava/melting cake is better than Carnival’s even with the inclusion of fruit (strawberries) which generally have no business anywhere near dessert. There. Unfriend me if you must. Anyway, here’s everything I ordered to night (with photo 5 serving as evidence for my bold assertion with regard to cruise line signature chocolate desserts)…
Photo 1: The pepper that disqualified me from the clean plate club (but I didn’t let that stop me from ordering two desserts)
Photo 2: Vegetable burrito
Photo 3: Cream of cauliflower soup
Photo 4: Bread service
Photo 5: Warm chocolate lava cake
Photo 6: Honey crème brûlée
Good morning! It’s day two, our first full day which we will spend at sea enjoying some frigid temps, April showers, and large-ish swells (it’s ALWAYS a good time to cruise to Alaska as far as I’m concerned, but some jet lagged grumpy pants seem to disagree).
Anyway, I have a personal cruise rule that doesn’t allow me to take any elevators. It’s a weak attempt at obesity mitigation that honestly doesn’t help all that much and mainly serves to further justify my obscene cruise gluttony. And mega ships like the Bliss always cause me to reconsider the policy. Take this morning, for example. I hiked from my cabin on deck 5 (where the cheap cruisers live) to deck 16 at 5:45 to hit the gym (where I planned to sit on a spin bike while binging Suits on my iPad as further justification for two breakfasts with servings so large most would count them as six breakfasts). Before we continue with this story, we need to back up a few weeks. Back in March I participated in the Big Climb where I crawled like a half dead snail up 69 floors of the Columbia Tower in Seattle to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. But somehow these stairs on the Bliss are worse. And there are mirrors on every landing reminding you of how awful you look and guilting you into continuing. So this morning I huffed and puffed and passed out briefly before nearly drowning in my own sweat to make it up to the gym. And after 10 minutes of getting my fan and iPad set up on a spin bike in the spin room (which was unlocked with no sign indicating that I couldn’t use it), I was swiftly kicked out (only those taking a class can use the bikes). And I was like, THANK GOD! to the trainer who looked very confused. And my brain was like, “well, I tried” and then I proceeded to The Local for my first breakfast (photos to come). I’ve included the daily schedule for today in this post as a reward for those who read to the end of my stairs saga.
Really this should be called “pre breakfast” because it’s where I get all the healthy crap with vitamins necessary for survival out of the way (what a poor design choice to have fruit be healthy and cinnamon rolls practically skip the stomach all together en route to the thighs). Anyway, The Local is a complimentary English pub style restaurant open 24/7 for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and late night snacks. Here’s the menu and everything I ordered followed by my real breakfast (procured at the buffet):
Photo 1: The Local breakfast menu.
Photo 2: Breakfast sandwich hold the ham (apologies to my meat eating friends who are forced into becoming vegetarian food gawkers for the week).
Photo 3: Seasonal fruit salad (the best, freshest, ripest fruit you’ll find on the ship. If you have to eat fruit).
Photo 4: Oatmeal with raisins I promptly rehoused to an entirely different table so I wouldn’t barf all over my oatmeal (which, honestly, already looked a little like barf). The entire cup of brown sugar went right in though.
Photo 5: The #1 best breakfast item on NCL (available in one spot on the buffet – don’t miss them!). Hot cinnamon rolls! The other breakfast pastries (with the exception of the chocolate croissants which are decent) are dry and not that great.
Taste is one of the three complimentary main dining rooms on the Bliss (Taste and Savor are located across from each other on deck 6 while the Manhattan Room is larger and located on deck 7. They all serve the same menus, but only Taste and Savor are open for lunch and only on sea days). I got there at 11:45 to beat the rush, but after no one else appeared for like 15 minutes, I started to think it was something I said (a pretty good bet with me). Anyway, this is my favorite of the three rotating lunch menus on NCL because it features a fried taco salad bowl. I always try to order just the taco bowl sans salad, but they always look at me weird, so I tell them never mind and just eat out the fried hunk of mozzarella and cheddar cheese shreds before shoveling out the beans and vegetables onto another plate and devouring all the crispy deep fried goodness. It’s like the county fair at sea!
I also ordered the tiramisu, noteworthy because it’s so delicious it’s worth sacrificing 3 nights of sleep due to extreme caffeine sensitivity (I’m the fully grown woman who orders an oat milk vanilla “steamer” like a five year old every time she gets invited for coffee). Anyway…
Photo 1: Cream of mushroom soup (a week’s worth of sodium, but so delicious)
Photo 2: Tiramisu (goodbye sleep)
Photo 3: What it looks like to be shunned on a cruise ship
Photo 4: Queso frito tortilla bowl
A chilly and rainy morning stroll along the waterfront on which I bragged to several passersby that it was “just a regular Sunday in April for this hearty Seattle gal” before promptly heading up to the Observation Lounge to secure a padded indoor lounger with a water view where I vegetated for the next 3 hours (get there early on sea days to snag one).
But before I made it to the Observation Lounge, I stopped at my cabin to hair dry my shoes and hang my socks on the handy little wet sock hooks (there obvious purpose on an April Alaska cruise). It occurred to me midway through this process that I should have packed some “poopourri,” not just for its intended purpose, but for the pungent smell of steaming sneakers.
Later, I briefly attended a presentation in the theater entitled “This is Alaska.” I say briefly because as soon as I realized it was just a sales pitch for overpriced excursions I’ve done 10 times before and not a lecture by a naturalist (no sign of a naturalist onboard yet), I marched right out of there trying not to be rude, but probably coming across as extremely rude due to the marching.
I ate and ate and ate. Before eating some more. And then it was time for lunch.
Something strange appeared in the sky later in the afternoon. UFO? No, sun! And blue skies! They started setting up outdoor dining at the restaurants along The Waterfront which I found overly optimistic considering it was only 40 degrees at 3:30. Any takers?
After dinner I attended Jersey Boys which is one of the things that keep me coming back to the NCL mega ships despite the 400 flights of stairs I have to climb each day. The full-length broadway style shows, including this one, are phenomenal and seeing them for free (well, sort of)…at sea…feels like the ultimate life hack. Honestly, one night in a hotel room in New York plus dinner and show tickets would likely cost more than my entire cruise fare.
Then I ate again. And flopped into bed while celebrating an extra hour of not sleeping tonight (we were instructed to turn our clocks back one hour) due to that tiramisu I ate for lunch. Tomorrow is our first Alaska port of call: Sitka.
Tonight is “Dress up or Not” night (see the second photo for a description of NCL’s “formal night” policy). Now seems like a good time to educate you on what we Seattleites consider formal. This is pretty much as dressed up as we get with rain boots mandatory from about October through May (hat is optional, but I hate being cold and this is Alaska in April, so I figure better safe).
The third photo captures tonight’s emergency desserts from the Observation Lounge, all with an international flare: Biscuits with fresh jam and cream, green tea pound cake, and chocolate cardamom pudding. There was also a red velvet cupcake, but I ate it half way down the stairs for fuel.
Off to dinner (yes, it’s 4:30, don’t judge, plus I’m seeing Jersey Boys at 6:30)!
If you want to guarantee yourself the best seat (#aftview) in the Manhattan room, line up at 4:30. Another hot tip, if you’re heading to a two hour show right after dinner, don’t order the spicy pad Thai requiring you drink a gallon of water. Who else is (unfortunately) in the small bladder club? Here’s everything I ordered:
Photo 1: Cherries jubilee (nearly every dessert contained fruit or vegetables tonight. For the love.)
Photo 2: After Eight mint chocolate mousse (despite trying to make the 6:30 show, I still ordered two desserts because I’m not giving up my dessert for ANYTHING, even one of the best shows at sea)
Photo 3: Spoils of being a lame nerd who eats early and is in bed by 9pm. Early bird, worm, etc.
Photo 4: Pad Thai
Photo 5: Thai spring roll (there seems to be a theme happening here)
We’re not scheduled to arrive in Sitka until 10:30, so I enjoyed a relaxed breakfast in the MDR where I conducted a little experiment in which I tried to determine how many items I could order before my waiter asked, “are you sure no one else is joining you?” Sadly I never got to an answer because after the third item I feared I might get too full for my buffet cinnamon rolls, so I aborted the whole thing (for today, remember science always involves a lot of trial and error). Here’s what I had with room to spare no thanks to my waiter who asked, “is that all?” after I’d already ordered approximately 40,000 calories worth of breakfast carbs.
Photo 1: Table with a view (I arrived right when they opened at 7)
Photo 2: Pretzel roll sandwich hold the ham (one of the two daily specials)
Photo 3: Yogurt parfait
Photo 4: Belgian waffle
So, my port day in Sitka. Sitka is the first and oldest city in Alaska so it’s fitting that it was the very first port of the 2024 cruise ship season. I last visited here in late October on the very last cruise of the 2023 season. And I did essentially the exact same thing today as I did 5 months ago. I swung by a few historical sights on my way to the Indian River Trailhead where I hiked until hitting significant snow at which point I turned around after promising my mom I wouldn’t do anything too reckless like challenge a bear to a snowball fight (honestly, she doesn’t let me have any fun). Then I hit the waterfront on the way back to the ship where I snapped some photos and saw my first eagle of the trip perched in a tree near the playground stalking tourist children fattened up from 45 soft serve cones in two days.
Some may be wondering why I cruise to Alaska so often and why I’d want to do the exact same thing two cruises in a row. My answer? It’s always magical, ethereal, with so many lessons to teach me. And it’s never, never the same. In October, as the environment around me began settling into winter, I witnessed the retreat, slowing down, and self preservation necessary for surviving a harsh season.
Today? I saw the first signs of vibrancy, of life bursting through the surface ready to grow and embrace the coming warmth. A good reminder of the cyclical nature of life for all of us.
Now I’m ravenous, so please excuse me while I head to the MDR to order two of everything because when I texted my mom to reassure her I was still alive, she informed me that I’d better eat an extra large meal and it turns out moms DO know what’s best for us.
It’s not often that I’m tempted by multiple salads, but tonight I wanted all of them. But then I worried about being a stereotype (vegetarian, salad, you know). So I went with the obvious choice, the one with candy in it. And it seems after only 3 nights the chef knows my preferences and put extra brittle in mine. I also appreciated some warm soup after a chilly, drizzly day at port. Then I carb loaded for tomorrow’s hike with pasta and bread. When my waiter brought the dessert menu featuring tiramisu cake, I literally said out loud “NOT AGAIN Satan, I will NOT sacrifice another night of sleep for your sweet cream and espresso soaked ladyfingers.” So instead I confused my waiter by ordering the sugar free cheesecake and the brownie s’more with enough sugar to murder a diabetic from three counties away.
Photo 1: Roasted beet salad (with extra candy)
Photo 2: Sugar free vanilla cheesecake
Photo 3: Minestrone soup
Photo 4: Brownie s’more
Photo 5: My plate right before I licked off the remaining pesto (what, I ran out of bread)
Photo 6: Rigatoni primavera with pesto
So I went up to the buffet for some extra dessert (I didn’t have a chance to stock up on emergency desserts from the Observation Lounge today) and accidentally walked away with a whole second dinner to eat in bed while watching Netflix. Oops.
Also, here’s today’s Freestyle Daily.
We arrived in Juneau early and only have a half day here, so I opted for a buffet breakfast along with 4,500 of my fellow passengers (note the capacity of the Bliss is only 4,000, but it’s like humans multiply and forget what a line is at the smell of bacon). If you’re booked on this Bliss, here are a few buffet tips for breakfast:
1: The further back you walk, the more open seating you’ll find. There are almost always open seats at the very back, even during peak hours.
2. If you want a more serene spot to enjoy your buffet breakfast without having to walk all the way back to your cabin, go one deck down to the Observable Lounge. It’s not crowded in the morning, there are plenty of nice spots to eat, there are beverage stations, and there’s a continental breakfast set up to supplement your buffet items (fruit, pastries, cereal, deli meats, and cheese).
3. While the buffet is large, the selection of items mostly just repeats in many different stations. However, there is a yogurt bar, hot cinnamon rolls, and a small (but fabulous) Indian section (located on the port side toward the back) that you don’t want to overlook.
Photo 1: Selection of breakfast Indian offerings.
Photo 2: Heaven on a plate (for like two seconds before it became heaven in my belly).
Photo 3: Made to order veggie and cheese omelette with breakfast potatoes and a custom yogurt parfait.
When I checked the forecast this morning it looked like rain and temps hovering around 35 degrees so I suited up like a deep sea fisherman risking life and limb for her daily catch despite a promised hurricane. So of course we had sun and not a drop of rain. You’re welcome everyone! I sought out some standing puddles just so my rain boots wouldn’t start looking for alternate employment. And my rain coat did, in fact, get wet. But from the inside after I’d already sweat through three base layers.
Anyway, I walked through downtown for research purposes (I’m working on an article for the blog about Alaska cruising in April) and then headed out for today’s hike on the Perseverance Trail. I don’t hike this trail as often when I visit Juneau because I usually opt to hike to the top of the Mt Roberts tram. But the tram wasn’t open for the season yet, so I wouldn’t have the option of taking it back down the mountain (which I don’t usually do anyway, but psychologically I like having the option).
I’m happy I decided on Perseverance today both because it was a gorgeous combination of vibrant evergreens, snow capped mountains, waterfalls, and rivers. But also because on my way back, two different people from the Bliss recognized me from my blog and thanked me for the Alaska cruise hiking guide I wrote (which was how they learned about this hike). I spend a lot (LOT – I’m a painfully slow writer) of time writing reviews, guides, etc and sometimes I wonder if anyone even reads them. So it was rewarding to learn I’d helped someone. Because that’s the secondary reason I do all this (I mean obviously the primary reason is so I can cruise all the time, lol). I owe a huge debt of gratitude to every person who visits my blog, reads my articles, offers me support, feedback, and information, and shares in my passion for cruising. Thank you!
Regrets, I’ve had a few. On my last NCL cruise (to Antarctica/South America in December) I missed skillet cornbread night in the MDR because it was my son’s birthday and he wanted to celebrate at Teppanyaki. I’ve regretted prioritizing my kid’s happiness over that cornbread ever since. So I was NOT going to miss it tonight even though we were scheduled to cruise through the Endicott Arm fjord during dinner. It was so quiet in the dining room it was like being in church and let me tell you, that cornbread was a religious experience.
Photo 1: Eggplant parmigiana
Photo 2: Carrot cake
Photo 3: Cannoli
Photo 4: Skillet cornbread 100% worth sacrificing important family relationships and once in a lifetime scenery.
I upgraded my emergency desserts tonight both because I have a ton of onboard credit to burn through and because I was too tired to trek up 40 million stairs (I am NOT overly dramatic and prone to exaggeration, how dare you) to the Observation Lounge. Instead I visited Coco’s and the Bake Shop for some premium chocolates, macarons, and a *mini* cupcake (which demonstrates my incredible restraint).
We didn’t make it to Dawes Glacier due to ice. Honestly the whole thing was kind of unimpressive coming right on the heels of the skillet cornbread.
Settle something for me please.
The first time my husband saw me eating a cupcake like this shortly after we got married he said “there are many things about you I wish I’d known before we got married, but this one really takes the cake.” To which I replied, “through sickness and bad puns.” Anyway, this is how cupcakes are supposed to be eaten right? Or were the rest of you raised by the same wolves as my husband? Share your perspective to the comments please.
I’ve reached the point in my cruise where my body is craving fruit. It practically shouted at me this morning to “put a vitamin in me woman or I’m going to refuse to poop out of protest!” (Sorry, but I’m just reporting the facts.) So I started breakfast with the half grapefruit and orange segments which both made for a pretty photo and hopefully placated my immune system who I almost started to sympathize with when she was like, “I’m doing my best to defend you against 4,000+ germy humans, half of whom whisk right past the hand washing station at the buffet because the guy singing the washy washy song received his vocal training from a dying boar.” Then I accidentally poured a cup of blueberries over my pancakes because I thought it was a second cup of syrup and was like, “THERE, ARE YOU HAPPY?!?!”
Photo 1: Half grapefruit and orange segments
Photo 2: Traditional buttermilk pancakes
Photo 3: Egg and avocado wrap (one of the two rotating daily specials
As a youth I wanted to be two things when I grew up. A writer (you have ample evidence by now for why that didn’t work out) or a marine biologist (what do you mean I have to study science and not just throw fish at lovable sea lions all day?). Anyway, if you need to find me for the next several hours (like to bring me some buffet snacks, hint hint) I’ll be photographing every one of the thousands of sea creatures on this beach in Icy Strait Point. Some dreams never really die, we just modify them to better suit our talents: mediocre cruise blogger/star (fish) paparazzi.
This afternoon I lunched at The Local (complimentary pub restaurant) where I ordered the Reuben with no corned beef (because there isn’t a single vegetarian entree on the menu). But I was too embarrassed to order it like that so I was like, “can I get the artisan grilled cheese?” Blank stare. “Okay, how about the Reuben with no corned beef?” Done! And yes, everyone sitting near me raised an eyebrow in perfect sync like they belonged to the same boy band. I also ordered the carrot cake which, for a dessert with vegetables in it, is a 12/10.
Photo 1: Artisan grilled cheese aka Reuben sans corned beef
Photo 2: Carrot cake
Nature trail with a giant eagle nest (a new addition since my last visit, which I speculated might be animatronic until I saw two eagles flying toward it during sail away and thought, “even Disney isn’t that good and this ain’t Disney”).
Walk to Hoonah as a Haiku:
Beautiful but wet
Eagles flying everywhere
Three cute seals swam by
I always order the stuffed mushroom caps both because they’re delicious, but also because they are always SO. SMALL. and the jokes practically write themselves:
Honey, I shrunk the mushrooms! What’s the mushroom’s favorite song? It’s a Small World After All. Etc, etc. For note, as a human so short I once mistook a cake topper as an actual bride and groom due to our similar proportions, I gave those mushrooms a nod of empathy before popping all three into my mouth at once like a trio of tic tacs.
The gnocchi is usually one of my favorite entrees, but this time they were practically drowning in so much overly rich sauce (wait, WHO ARE YOU and what have you done with the woman who asks for an extra side of alfredo sauce at Olive Garden to pour over her fettuccine alfredo), I had to throw in a life ring and then put them through a decompression process before eating them. Cobblers are the only dessert that should include fruit and even then in a topping to fruit ratio of 25/1. While tonight’s ratio was closer to 1/1, it was still delicious, served warm and topped with vanilla ice cream.
Photo 1: Mozzarella and plum tomatoes (basically the bruschetta, but easier to eat)
Photo 2: Stuffed mushroom caps
Photo 3: Apple and fig cobbler
Photo 4: Potato gnocchi
Photo 5: Banana split (disappointing, I’d skip it)
Despite what you may have heard, cupcakes are NOT a breakfast of champions. After starting my morning at 5:30 with an Oreo and a red velvet, I made it 13 minutes on the elliptical machine before I nearly barfed into the towel return bin (true story).
Here’s the thing though, since I posted my preferred cupcake eating technique to Instagram and Facebook with accompanying photo, a few of the comments I received have really been weighing on me, keeping me up at night even. As you know, I take dessert very seriously and when two alternate cupcake eating methods were proposed, I simply had to attempt them. So this morning I busted out my emergency dessert (because this really WAS a pressing matter) and attempted the…
1. “Best for last” technique where you break the cupcake in half, eat the unfrosted half first to get it over with and then eat the frosted half. And the…
2. “Dipping” approach where you break off small bites of cake and “dip” them in the frosting.
Results: Delayed gratification has generally served me well, but I don’t want to experience half my dessert like some depression era baking hack. Fail! As for the dipping technique, that one was an immediate miss as my cake didn’t hold up to the weight and density of the frosting and crumbled. I adapted by spooning little dollops of frosting onto broken off pieces of cake, but it was way too much work (I probably burned more calories doing that than I did on the elliptical this morning).
All of this wasn’t for nothing though as I discovered a new technique especially effective for those of us with small (but mighty!) mouths: Frosting redistribution. I simply broke the cupcake in half and redistributed half the frosting onto the bottom half. Even distribution of frosting? Check! Ease of consumption? Check! Clean nostrils? I think there may still be a stray M&M up there, but no frosting. Check! Success! Maybe I should just have an omelette for breakfast tomorrow though. 🤷♀️
Even though the Perseverance Trail is part of a trail system I discovered a few years ago within walking distance of Ward Cove (where NCL ships dock outside of Ketchikan), the name has so far discouraged me. When I think “perseverance” I think of some self help nonsense promising mental strength as a result of physical or psychological pain with no certain outcome. No thank you, I’m on vacation! But since I’ve “hiked” (it’s really more of a walk) the Frog Pond and Around the Lake trails about 10 times now, I decided to try this new trail after renaming it the “better to give up than have a sore ass at dinner” trail, thus removing any pressure or guilt.
While this trail did have significantly more elevation gain, it was gorgeous and ended at a secluded lake where I stopped for a few minutes to read one of my favorite poems by Mary Oliver:
So am I glad I tried this new trail? I’ll let you know how my ass feels at dinner! (I’ve booked La Cucina tonight.)
Tonight I used a platinum voucher to dine at La Cucina, the Italian specialty restaurant on the Bliss. My voucher included a complimentary bottle of wine which I had all to myself. So if you think I’m a bad speller who writes extremely weird reviews with a 100% clear mind, just wait till I have an entire bottle of wine in me. Here we gooooooooo!
The service tonight was…off, until it got really comically bad. The high point was when my waiter approached the table next to mine and called a clear “ma’am” a “sir.” I generously thought, “language barrier?” but when he realized his mistake three courses later, he just busted up laughing and was like, “you’ve been a lady this whole time?” Like maybe her gender identity changed between the antipasto and the risotto. I should mention that the bottle of wine I selected was called 19 Crimes, which I order every time because it’s the only one I can pronounce. But tonight it seemed very on brand and I offered to share a glass with my waiter who’d committed all 19 crimes before the 7 o’clock rush. The final crime occurred when I was informed that the dessert I’d ordered wasn’t ready yet and would I like the tiramisu (!!!) instead. You’ll recall I sacrificed an entire night of blissful cruise sleep to tiramisu like 72 hours ago and vowed to never order it again. Anyway, the food was very good, but only about 10% better than what I’ve been enjoying in the MDR and certainly not worth the extra $49 (not including the wine) it would have cost me without the voucher.
Photo 1: 19 Crimes Chardonnay
Photo 2: My table at La Cucina
Photo 3: Mozzarella caprese
Photo 4: Bread service
Photo 5: Gnocchi a la something
Photo 6: Cannoli with a side of garlic to keep the devil from making me order that tiramisu
Okay, that review wasn’t so bad. I think I even used commas correctly a few times. Now off I go to do my best Whitney impression on (not at) the piano in the atrium even though karaoke doesn’t start for another 2 hours in an entirely different location and please come and visit me in the brig because “I, I, eye, will always love you youuuuuu!”
So this morning I witnessed someone find a cruise duck and said in my head, “why don’t I ever find a cruise duck?” Hand to God, less than 30 seconds later I found this! So then I said in my head, “why don’t I ever stumble into the Captain who invites me up for a tour of his private quarters before ravishing me, proposing, and offering me the permanent life at sea for which I’ve always dreamed?”
I just finished a telehealth call with my therapist who gave me the following advice when I described the crushing depression I’m currently experiencing over my cruise ending tomorrow: “Turn on the news for a little perspective honey and please, for the love, don’t approach your friends and family for support because they will 100% resent and possibly even disown you.” Obviously I fired her, ordered a bunch of carby room service food appropriate for wallowing, opted for Netflix in bed over news, and am reaching out to you, my beloved cruise community for support, because I know you get it. Honestly, I’m not sure 7 night cruises should even be sold as vacations. By the time I figure out which direction to turn for my cabin coming off the stairs and which venue has the best chocolate cake (surprisingly, room service), they’re asking me to put my luggage outside by 9pm!
And to make matters worse, as soon as I disembark tomorrow, I’m moving (20 feet across the hall, but still!)! Which reminds me, if someone local to Seattle wouldn’t mind me crashing on your couch for a few days while I pretend to be lost at sea so I don’t have to help, I’d be ever so grateful.
Anyway, if you need me I’m in bed crying into my mac ‘n cheese and working up the strength to venture out to Coco’s to spend my last $11 in onboard credit on a giant ice cream sundae to further eat my sorrows.
Here are some room service food pics. There is a $9.95 + 20% service charge per room service order (but you can order as much as you want).
Whoever said, “there’s nothing 6 gallons of ice cream can’t fix” has clearly never had to disembark a cruise ship, but I did my best to enjoy my giant sundae from Coco’s anyway. I noted that prices have gone up at Coco’s since I cruised last. I hope I don’t exceed my onboard spending budget of zero dollars.
“Supper” is such an old fashioned word and I like to think of myself as young and spry and hip (I mean as long as I pop a few Tylenol before rising from a seated position, I’m almost as steady as a drowsy toddler with some puréed food down her shirt), but coupled with “last,” supper feels appropriate for this occasion.
I was in the throngs of despair, yes, but at least there was guacamole and I was alone so I could double dip. The shareable guacamole was prepared table side which was a little awkward for this introvert, terrible at small talk. All I could come up with was, “how many times per night do you have to pretend to care about how people spent their day while you contemplate letting your knife slip on an avocado pit so you can spend a peaceful evening in the medical center?” He ignored my question and asked me where I was from. “Seattle.” And then I remembered protocol, looked at his badge which said “Philippines” and asked “small town or large city?” to which he responded “Manilla,” to which I replied, “oh, BIG city” and he moved on to his next table.
That guacamole was very (VERY) good and I ran out of chips before noticing how sad my little cup of untouched salsa looked.
I also ordered a betabel salad, the rajas and crema tacos, the elotes, and the tres leches cake. The tacos and the elotes were essentially the exact same dish, but with one including an edible delivery device and the other requiring another awkward conversation (they cut the kernels off the cob table side) and a fork. I dug around looking for the promised poblano peppers in the tacos, but found them more elusive than my dog on bath day (I looked for the peppers hiding under my chair which is where I usually find Henry, but they weren’t there either).
All my food was good (the corn with a side of corn and the salad) to great (the guacamole and cake) but again, not worth the a la carte price ($60 + 20% service charge) I’d have paid without my Platinum voucher.
Despite it being one of my favorite cities in the world, this is all I saw of Victoria on this sailing:
I’ve been to Victoria dozens and dozens (and dozens) of times and always get off the ship, even at night. My favorite thing to do there on evening stops is to walk to the lighthouse at the end of a long pier adjacent to the cruise ship piers to watch the sunset and snap some photos of the docked ships. However, because my sailing was in April, by the time the Bliss was cleared around 8:15pm, it was already dark. So I opted to stay onboard this time. Some may be wondering why Alaska itineraries round trip from Seattle stop in Victoria, most often in the evening, providing cruisers very little time in port. It’s to comply with the Passenger Vessel Services Act which requires foreign-flagged ships transporting passengers between U.S. ports to make a stop in a foreign country. Don’t view Victoria as a wasted stop though – it’s a beautiful city, day and night!
On my final afternoon at sea I attended a matinee performance by The Beatles Experience in the main theater. This Argentinian cover band performed numerous shows throughout our sailing in both the theater and more intimate Cavern Club. They not only imitated the sound of the iconic band with near perfection, they also captured the essence of each band member to an almost eerie degree, like Lennon and Harrison had risen from the dead and reunited with McCartney and Starr to do what every famous musician most fears in retirement, performing on cruise ships. If you’re sailing on the Bliss, don’t miss them!
After the show we were instructed to stay seated for the traditional NCL farewell ceremony in which officers and crew are paraded out and introduced and they smile and wave pretending not to be resentful that this unnecessary spectacle has put them behind in completing their duties and that their 16 hour day is now 16.5. But the worst part was when the Captain came out and, even though I was sitting second row center, didn’t even acknowledge my week-long attempts at seduction with a little wink or nod or some other sign that he knew I existed. In a final desperate grasp at my dream, I imitated what I’d seen like 2,000 crazed women do earlier and flashed him while bobbing up and down and shouting in a glass shattering tone, “I love you Ringo” and back to the brig I went.
But that’s not where my legal troubles ended. As I went to disembark the ship the following morning I was flagged at immigration and instructed to “see finance” before I’d be allowed to leave. I was thinking “oh crap, I’m being busted for sneaking off some tiny boxes of cereal I’m going to try to pass off as a souvenir for my kid.” But it turns out I’d ended my 7-night cruise with a negative balance of $48 which I was given in cash. I mention this to drive home the point that I’m cheaper than a generic can of green beans, but also that you can have a relaxing, fun, indulgent cruise vacation without spending a lot on onboard “extras.”
You have two luggage options for debarkation. The first is self-assist which will get you off the ship sooner. However, you’ll be responsible for carrying all your own luggage off the ship. If you’d rather not haul your own luggage, you can place it outside your cabin door by 9pm the evening before debarkation. After debarking the ship, it will be available for you to pick up inside the cruise terminal (or if you have Port Valet, it will be transported directly to the airport for you). Here’s the debarkation schedule for each group:
While this is always me on debarkation morning…
…some may need to get off the ship as quickly and early as possible to catch a flight or get to work. If so, you’ll want to start lining up outside The Local at around 6:30am with all of your luggage. You’ll be processed through immigration right on the ship as you exit using facial recognition technology. Once the line starts moving, it’s a very fast, efficient process. If you don’t yet have transportation lined up, there will be taxis, shuttles, and NCL’s shuttle service all vying for your business as you exit the terminal.
I provide this section not because you care about my favorite spots to hang out on the Bliss, but as a service so you can avoid me should you ever find yourself in the unfortunate situation of being booked on the Bliss at the same time: “Well there’s 6 grand and 3 hours hearing about her baby who it turns out is actually a 25 pound dog of ‘uncertain lineage’ (it’s called a mutt, lady) we’ll never get back.”
Even though I’ll bait you with a shirt that reads, “ask me about my dog,” DO NOT ask me about my dog! Or just steer clear of any venues serving free food or drinks and these additional areas of the Bliss:
Rarely occupied by more than a dozen or so people during the day, The Waterfront is the perfect spot to avoid crowds and enjoy comfortable seating and fresh air and scenery if you don’t have a balcony cabin. Here I am doing just that, despite looking like I’m geared up for a blizzard:
You can also maximize your drink package without judgment by rotating among several bars located nearby.
Located at the very front of the ship, the Observation Lounge offers comfortable seating and unparalleled views. It also features a bar…
…and delicious complimentary snacks and unique desserts, many with an international flair and not available anywhere else on the ship.
All of that makes it a popular spot and fighting for a seat among the crowds sort of feels like the purpose has been defeated. “I came up here to relax, not to declare my objections to mixed martial arts. You two should really have gloves and head protection on if you’re going to punch each other out over that lounger!”
I recommend avoiding the Observation Lounge on sea days unless you get there very early to snag a spot and bring something to pee into and an assistant to fetch your snacks. Otherwise if you get up for two seconds you’ll either lose your spot to a nimble grandma who’s been lying in wait with a 500 page novel she plans on finishing in one sitting or if you attempt to save your spot by leaving a sweater on your chair, you’ll get accused of being a chair hog, shunned, and required to wear a scarlet H on your shirt for the remainder of the cruise. Take full advantage of it on port days though when most of your fellow passengers are off the ship!
Ditto on the hot tubs. They probably contain more pee than water on sea days, but you’ll be totally in charge of how much pee is in them on port days while everyone else is off the ship.
Without the drink package on this sailing, I spent more time in the bars when they were closed. With huge windows and skylights, comfortable seating areas, and no crowds during off hours, The District Brewhouse is the perfect spot to hang out to read, play cards or board games, or hide from the brother-in-law your husband swore you would hardly see if you let him tag along: “Hey, there you are! I guess I’ll let you buy me a beer. Wait, it’s closed? I’m heading back to the pool to sun my butt crack then if you start missing me.”
The gym is always my least favorite spot on any cruise ship, but I hated it even more on the Bliss, probably because I found it too hot and too small for the size of the ship and thought it opened too late in the morning (6am). For the size of the gym versus the size of the ship, it really should be been open 24/7 to have a prayer at accommodating everyone weird enough to exercise on vacation.
With thrilling water slides that shoot you out over the open ocean, laser tag, and Go-Karts, the Bliss is two parts ship and one part amusement park. Note that any outside activity is weather dependent and will be closed if it’s too cold and/or rainy.
Ten laps around the course will cost you $15.
One 10-minute session of laser tag on the Bliss will cost you $9.95.
Watch out wolf, you’ve got competition from the Bliss when it comes to being big and bad. Average-sized cruise ships hug the shoreline, hoping to blend in so the Bliss won’t swallow them up and spit them back out into the ocean along with the pulverized organic waste destined to become fish food.
In case you haven’t heard, the Bliss is a huge ass ship. I think the technical term is mega. And while there’s a ton to do for those not content to relax and eat for 168 hours straight (me), it’s not ideal for anyone looking for a more serene experience. I also hesitate in recommending it for the 7-day Alaska itinerary from Seattle (even though I’ve done it twice myself), especially for those who haven’t cruised to Alaska before. Why? Because times at each port are limited and you’ll spend a lot of that time waiting in line for shuttles to transport you to town (NCL has the least desirable docking locations in Alaska) and because NCL offers very little Alaska-specific programming and food (as opposed to lines like Holland America and Princess that offer a lot). Also, popular ship activities will be very crowded on your two sea days. If that doesn’t bother you and you decide to book for Alaska, be sure to reserve your preferred dining venues and ship activities as early as possible, because everything fills up fast.
If you’re fortunate, as I am, to have visited Alaska many times, the Bliss is awesome on port days when most passengers are off the ship. In fact, on my first cruise on the Bliss with my son, we stayed onboard for the majority of our time in port and practically had the entire ship to ourselves. That’s when the Bliss is really fun and you can fully appreciate all she has to offer! And she has a lot to offer.
I guess my advice would be this: If you’re cruising primarily for the ports or don’t like sailing with throngs of kids (especially during school breaks), consider avoiding the Bliss in favor of a smaller ship or different line. If you’re cruising for the ship, have kids or don’t mind kids, and are happy staying onboard while at some of the ports or are on one of her longer, non-Alaska sailings, definitely book the Bliss.
If you’re already booked on the Bliss for a 7-night Alaska itinerary, ignore everything I just said! Even though it’s not my ideal ship for Alaska, I enjoyed nearly every second of my time onboard and at port and if you venture with an open heart, a sense of humor, patience, and a grateful, adventurous spirit, I know you will too!
Class Dismissed!
Homework (10 points): Are you booked on the Bliss? Ask any questions you may have to the comments.
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