Grand Princess Maui Snorkel Excursion: A Dream Fulfilled and a Nightmare Realized
Since my first trip to Hawaii…
…and my first time snorkeling in Maui,…
…I’ve dreamed of my return to the tropical underwater wonderland off the coast of Lanai.
Snorkeling in Seattle
Once I had my 15 day Hawaiian cruise aboard the Grand Princess booked, my teaching/travel assistant “H” and I hit the pool in our Seattle apartment complex every weekend with our snorkel gear to prepare. I even realized I could swim laps more effectively with my snorkel and took to doing so several times a week, much to the confusion of tourists who thought they got a great deal on their downtown Seattle VRBO, but were now wondering why their host didn’t warn them about the odd woman who frequents the pool: “she’s a little strange, but harmless.” One gentleman from Texas even worked up the courage to pose a question, “ma’am can I ask what you’re doing with that snorkel in the pool?”
A Day 30 Years in Coming
So after months of anticipation, when we disembarked the Grand Princess and boarded Kaulana, our 70-foot, double-decker boat run by the Hawaii Ocean Project, we were excited. And by we, I mean myself, my T.A. “H,” and my administrative assistant (AKA my mom).
My husband Eric was also with us, but instead of shaking with excitement, he was doing deep breathing exercises and shaking from terror and mild seasickness. It turns out he nearly didn’t graduate from high school because he refused to jump into the deep end of the swimming pool in P.E.
Eric scored points for trying to be a good sport, but for any scaredy pants out there in a similar situation, I’d suggest you communicate this fact to your wife as soon as she proclaims, “we should go snorkeling in Maui!” and then forks over $99.95 for you to live out your worst nightmare on vacation.
“Oh well,” I thought, “he can just stay on the boat and eat $99.95 worth of food.” So we all dug into the fresh fruit and muffins provided for breakfast with me encouraging Eric to go back for seconds and thirds, listened to a lecture on safety and instructions on using our gear, and enjoyed multiple spectacular humpback whale sightings on our way to Lanai.
Upon arriving at our location, we were fitted with snorkels and our choice of flotation device (waist floats, life jackets, and body boards were available to use for free). My T.A. “H” was a little nervous when I fitted him with a waist float instead of a life jacket, but seem comforted when I selected a body board and assured him he could hold onto it while myself and his grandma held on at either side of him.
I descended the boat ladder to the water, which was a little precarious while holding my flippers and trying to help H, all while the boat bobbed around in small swells. Somehow we all managed to get to the bottom of the ladder, put on our flippers without losing one to the Pacific to become another piece of plastic garbage polluting our oceans, and grab the body board thrown down to us by a member of our crew.
Breaking all Records for the Shortest Ever Snorkel
Before I had time to feel relief at having made it into the water, I found myself being drowned by a five-year-old – either enacting his revenge on me for making him brush his teeth and fill in for my classes on short notice or instinctually reacting to sheer, unadulterated terror by wrapping himself around my neck – and had to quickly figure out how we were going to get out of the water.
I doggy-paddled us back to the ladder and thrust my screaming 45-pound would-be assassin back up onto the boat to join his like-minded father where they looked at a laminated Guide to the Fish of Hawaii from the safety and comfort of a dry bench.
A Dream Deferred, but Eventually Fulfilled
Meanwhile, my administrative assistant/mom and I were looking at this:
Although temporarily deferred in dramatic fashion, my dream of returning to Hawaii to snorkel near Lanai was fulfilled as I hovered above a massive coral reef pretending to be one of the beautiful tropical fish swimming among it. And although the other fish mistook me for a beluga whale, it was spectacular.
A Messy End to a Long Journey
Rarely does one follow a straight road to a dream – it’s usually twisty and potholed and often met with more relief than joy. And as my day of snorkeling was coming to an end, I was about to find out just how messy the journey home from a dream can be.
First, we enjoyed a delicious BBQ lunch – grilled right on the back of the boat – of hamburgers, veggie burgers, grilled chicken, veggies, and potato salad with cookies for dessert. With me encouraging both Eric and H to go back for seconds and thirds (big mistake).
We settled into a booth surrounding a square table at the interior of the boat where all four of us ate our lunch, but only three of us fully digested said lunch. It seemed a bout of seasickness had struck my faithful T.A. and the only thing in sight to catch the resulting barf-tastrophe was the reusable “Princess” bag we’d been greeted with upon first entering our stateroom a week prior and had been using to transport towels and sunblock ever since.
Tips for a Successful Maui Snorkeling Excursion
Which brings me to my three best tips for a successful Maui snorkeling excursion.
- Take seasick meds at least 30 minutes prior to boarding your vessel. Our boat party quickly turned into a barf party as we witnessed multiple other passengers feeding the fish with their lunch over the side of the vessel.
- Princess reusable bags should not be used as barf bags. They are thin and porous. And so you don’t also lose your lunch, that’s all I’ll say about that.
- Do not eat your lunch in the booth at the back left of the boat. See #2 above.
If you’re smart enough to follow my advice, you’ll spend the trip home on an outside deck where you may be rewarded with a pod of dozens of dolphins appearing to play with the boat like my admin/mom and Eric did…
…instead of inside with a view of this:
But before you go and feel even sorrier for “H,” because even when he’s fully healthy he’s still the son and overworked and underpaid T.A. of Prof. Cruise, you should know that he recovered quickly and less than an hour later was standing in the shade of this giant Banyan tree…
and rocking his Speedo on the streets of Maui.
Details for the “Maui Snorkel Cruise” Offered by Princess
Cost: $99.95 for adults; $59.99 for children (double check the price on your booking or at your excursions desk)
Duration: 5 1/2 hours (we ran out of time for the second snorkel location, so we just did the one)
Difficulty Level: Difficult. Especially for young children who haven’t snorkeled before, those with any health or mobility issues (note the health restrictions before you book), and those terrified of deep water.
But don’t worry, if you find snorkeling in Hawaii too difficult, book a stay in downtown Seattle and I’ll take you snorkeling in our 3 foot deep pool!
Homework assignment: Please review my lecture on Hilo here, my lecture on Kauai here, and my lecture on Honolulu here.
And don’t forget to subscribe to the blog (scroll up to the top right if using a computer or just keep scrolling down if you’re on a mobile device) and follow me on social media:
Class dismissed.
