Further Changes Coming to Carnival and Cruisers WON’T be Happy! (satire)

Breaking Carnival Cruise News: More Price Increases and Changes Coming!

After overwhelmingly positive feedback to the recent price increases to Carnival’s popular Cheers beverage package (now $82.54 per person/per day) and internet packages and the announcement that made-to-order pizza will now end at midnight, Carnival is planning further changes bound to be just as popular among the line’s loyal passengers. Among them:

Carnival Switching to Half Caff Coffee

Carnival will be switching all complimentary regular coffee to half caff. Coffee drinkers will now have the option of either paying for fully caffeinated coffee at the coffee bar or consuming double the amount of complimentary coffee they normally drink.

Swipe to Enter Public Restrooms

In another totally unrelated change, Carnival will start charging for the use of onboard public restrooms. A press release described the change like this:

Simply swipe your card and for a small fee conveniently charged to your onboard account, you will have immediate access to our clean and convenient public restroom facilities. Please note that anyone caught holding the door open for others will be required to disembark at the next port and turned over to local authorities.

New Packing Tips

In light of these changes, here are some items I’d recommend adding to your cruise packing list:

What are your Thoughts on the Recent Increases and Changes on Carnival?

While obviously this post is satire (unless you haven’t had your first fully caffeinated cup of coffee of the day, in which case I apologize for any panic or confusion I may have caused), I’m curious to hear your thoughts on the actual price increase in Cheers and the other changes Carnival has made recently. Post to the comments what you think of them. And with that…

Class Dismissed.

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