While I frequently illicit eye rolls from my readers and the ire of cruise companies for being so cheap (it’s not unusual for me disembark a cruise with zero dollars in onboard charges), things are different when Mr. Cruise sails with me, which was the primary reason I married him. In fact, these are the vows I read at our wedding (adapted from the song “Big Spender” by Shirley Bassey):
So let me get right to the point
I don’t pop my cork for every man I see
Hey big spender,
Spend a little time [cruising] with me
There wasn’t a dry eye in the house!
Anyway, on our recent New Years cruise onboard Holland America’s ms Zuiderdam, Mr. Cruise treated us all (myself, my mom, and my son) to a New Year’s Day Brunch at Pinnacle Grill, the line’s Pacific Northwest-inspired steakhouse.
The cost was a $35 fixed charge per person plus an 18% service charge and included bottomless mimosas.
In true Prof. Cruise fashion (you can take the girl out of the complimentary restaurant, but you can’t take the cheapness out of the girl), I wanted us to get our money’s worth. And I also love to eat. So we ordered A LOT of food.
Here was the menu:
And here’s what we ordered:
There were a few things we didn’t love about our brunch, so let’s get those out of the way first:
The giant, uniquely-shaped plates
They looked very cool and sophisticated, but are huge and very clunky and inconvenient for someone who wanted to order everything on the menu plus 42 mimosas! We had to keep clearing room on the table and combining items. It was challenging for our waiter.
Here’s how our table looked when all our desserts were delivered at the same time:
While some would be embarrassed, I took a photo to proudly post to Instagram!
The sweet breakfast dishes
With the exception of the red velvet french toast (our only complaint about this one was that the portion was too small), the sweet breakfast dishes were basically the same as you’d get for free in the main dining room. There was nothing special or unique about them. I was particularly disappointed in the waffles, advertised to include, “Greek yogurt, orange-blossom syrup, and pistachio,” but that tasted no different than a standard Belgian waffle served with strawberry compote, syrup, and butter (exactly how they were served in the main dining room).
Service
The service was okay, but not great. Of course, considering how many items we ordered and Covid-time crew shortages (with a percentage of the crew in quarantine), they get a pass on that one. We had to flag someone down anytime we needed a coffee warmup or another mimosa, but no huge deal. It’s not like we left hungry or able to safely pass through a CUI (Cruising Under the Influence) checkpoint (they cut up my ship card arguing that, “this isn’t Carnival ma’am – we can’t allow you to sing impromptu karaoke in your robe while trying to board the small model Christmas train in the atrium.”).
Value
While some of the food offerings were underwhelming for a specialty restaurant, this brunch was still a good value (particularly if you don’t already have a drink package) thanks to the bottomless mimosas. Even if you skipped the food altogether (sorry, we can’t be friends), you’ll easily drink $35 worth of mimosas. And if you order correctly (keep reading), the food will be worth it too.
Certain food items
If you’re a party of one, I’d suggest ordering the following items: fresh berries, red velvet french toast, lobster benedict, Pinnacle burger, and both desserts. Yes, I said party of one. If you’re a party of two, order two of each of those. If you’re a vegetarian (guilty), the avocado toast was pretty good. I’d substitute the benedict and the burger with that and an extra portion of the french toast.
There, saved you the trouble of studying the menu!
Well that depends. Is Mr. Cruise paying?
Yes? Then yes.
And with that, let me conclude this lecture in the same way I concluded our brunch, with some impromptu karaoke in my robe while trying to board the small model Christmas train in the atrium:
The minute you walked in the joint
I could see you were a man of distinction
A real big spender
Good lookin’ so refined
Say, wouldn’t you like to know what’s goin’ on in my mind?
So let me get right to the point,
I don’t pop my cork for every guy I see
Hey big spender
Hey big spender
Hey big spender
Spend, a little time [cruising] with me
Class Dismissed.
Homework (10 points): Review my Holland America ship and cabin reviews and explore all the 2022 Holland America menus. And don’t forget to subscribe to the blog and follow Prof. Cruise on social media:
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