5 Reasons to Avoid the Spa on your Cruise (and a few reasons not to)
5 Reasons to Avoid the Spa on your Cruise
1. It’s expensive
You’ll pay a premium for most spa and salon services on a cruise ship. Even in my home port of Seattle where a Big Mac will run you $42 and a gallon of gas will drain your teenager’s college fund faster than if you just handed said teenager your credit card and dropped her off at the mall, you can treat yourself to an hour long massage at a neighborhood spa for around $100. Whereas a 50 minute massage at NCL’s Mandara Spa will run you $149 to $179. And on the higher end cruise lines, it’s even more.
Extra Credit Pro-Tip: If you enjoy getting a massage or other spa/salon treatment on vacation, consider doing it in port as opposed to on the ship. For example, I once booked a hour-long massage at the Sand Bar in Cabo (outside, with the sounds of the ocean in the background) for $36. It was fabulous and my money went to the local economy. Ask for recommendations of places in advance (Facebook and Cruise Critic groups are great for that).
How much do spa services cost on a cruise?
And, FYI, here’s a price list I collected on my last NCL cruise to give you an idea of what different treatments and services cost (these will vary some by cruise line):
2. You’re already relaxed
Whenever I encounter spa employees on embarkation day trying to entice me to “pamper” myself by signing up for one of their (as we’ve already established) overpriced treatments, I always smile and politely say, “just point me in the direction of unlimited dessert and a padded lounger in the shade with a view of the ocean and I’ll consider myself good and pampered.” Which is to say that there are so many complimentary ways to relax and pamper yourself on a cruise.
By my way of thinking (sometimes referred to as “warped,” but I’ll let you be the judge), it makes more sense to save your spa money for when you’re home. Like after that day all parents dread, “teacher in-service day” (we have one of these coming up on Friday…send vodka and chocolate). Or when your boss decides to go in a different direction on (i.e. scrap) a project that sent you to the emergency room three different times: once for generalized brain pain, once for heart palpitations, and once because your hands literally disintegrated into dust from too much strained typing. Or when your mom calls to say she’s setting you up with a nice young man she met at church bingo: “Sorry mom, I have a spa appointment that day.”
3. Upselling
“Now just relax…while I try to upsell you a cellulite treatment that will literally erase any trace of the 3 children you birthed, the pack of mini-donuts and bottle of Coke you’ve purchased daily from the vending machine at work for the past 30 years, and the laws of physics. I’d say a modeling contract is well within reach.”
This is one of the most common complaints among those who book spa and salon treatments on a cruise. They will try to sell you products at the end, which can be awkward and ruin the relaxed vibe.
Extra Credit Pro-Tip: For those new to cruising, be aware (or BEWARE) that the events sponsored by the spa will also include significant upselling (that’s the whole point of them). If I were you, I’d avoid the “free health seminars” and “pamper parties.” Honestly, is a cruise ship really the appropriate place to learn about “Detox for Health and Weightloss” anyway?
4. It’s a gamble
I mean, at least at the casino you just lose your money. You don’t lose your money and walk out of there with 3rd degree scalp burns, an infection of the nail bed, or hair that looks greenish to those brave enough to be frank: “I mean your head does slightly resemble a wilted head of lettuce. But your spirit still shines so bright!”
While many people have had great experiences at cruise ship spas (probably the majority), I’ve heard many horror stories over my many years of cruising. And the point here is that it’s a gamble and you don’t know anything about the people providing spa and salon services. Most of us get recommendations before we try out a new stylist, manicurist, facialist, or masseuse on land. On a cruise ship you get who you get. And you may be upset!
5. You’ve eaten too much
I eat so much on a cruise, I don’t even want my husband touching me (which is why I always immediately ask our room steward to separate the bed) and I worry that an acupuncture treatment might actually pop me and create a biohazard: “Attention, an unknown toxic substance has been detected on deck 12, all passengers and crew should report to their muster stations.” But maybe this one’s just me.
A Few Good Reasons to Visit the Spa on your Cruise
While I don’t recommend it in most circumstances, there may be some good reasons to visit the spa on your cruise. Among them…
Emergencies
Did you get a giant wad of gum stuck in your hair hours before your planned formal night picks? Break a nail which is now so jagged it may result in the involuntary manslaughter of your partner in the night? Those seem like two good reasons to visit the spa.
Spa pass/thermal suite
Purchasing a “spa pass” on many ships will grant you access to exclusive areas of the spa with relaxing amenities that are off limits to the riff-raff. On most NCL ships this area is called the “thermal suite” and includes heated and padded loungers, a thermal pool, sauna, steam room, tropical shower, and a salt room. While a pass won’t come cheap, many find it worthwhile.
Specials and onboard credit
If you enjoy spa services on your cruise, you can often score a better price if you go at an off time, generally on port days or in the evening. Stop by the spa and ask about any “specials” they’re running on your sailing. The spa can also be a great place to spend non-refundable onboard credit.
Because you damn well please!
And finally, because you don’t care what some B-list cruise blogger says. You’ll visit the spa if you damn well please (good for you – do what makes you happy in cruising and in life!)! And with that…
Class Dismissed!
Homework (10 points): Do you visit the spa on your cruises? Share why or why not to the comments (I welcome those who disagree with my assessment). Then check out my article, “10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before My First Cruise.”
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