Call me pretentious, but I’ve cruised to Alaska so many times, I’ve started telling people I summer there: “I mean The Hamptons are okay, but I prefer to summer in Alaska.” And on each of these cruises, my ship has docked in Ketchikan, where I’ve usually chosen to walk around and explore on my own (which is another great option for Ketchikan – see my guide here) or even elected to stay on the ship to stew myself in a deserted hot tub while gazing out at colorful slope-roofed homes nestled high on evergreen covered hills kissed by fog. (Sigh, I wish I was doing that right now instead of waxing nostalgic while I nurse a barfing 6 year-old home sick from school.)
But on my last Alaskan cruise, a b2b aboard the Celebrity Millennium that would deliver me to the people of Ketchikan twice in just two weeks, “oh no, not her again,” I decided it might be fun to explore a bit further out, to see and learn something new. Because even old professors can learn new tricks – just don’t ask us to update our wardrobes or migrate to the university’s e-mail (hotmail forever!).
So I hopped on Viator (I almost never book cruise line excursions anymore – I generally find them too expensive and crowded) and settled on the “Ketchikan All-In-One tour” a 2.5 hour excursion operated by Seaside Tours.
Price: $79 for adults (ages 12+), $30 for children (ages 7-11), and free for children under 7.
Available start times: 8am, 10:30am, 1:00pm, and 3:30pm.
Duration: 2.5 hours
Meeting location: Ketchikan Rain Gauge, located outside of the Ketchikan Visitors Bureau, on Berth 2 of the cruise ship dock.
Tour highlights: A salmon ladder, Saxman Native Village (totem poles), wildlife viewing at Herring Cove, a roadside waterfall, Rotary Beach, and a drive-by of Creek Street.
How to book: Go here to book through Viator.
Joining me on this tour would be Mr. Cruise and my 6-year old teaching/travel assistant and son, “H.”
“H” spends my money as though he thinks it will reproduce in the night like a herd of wild park rabbits, loves the outdoors, and has a very good attention span for someone who wears Paw Patrol underpants and believes in a magical jolly man who supposedly knows every time he sasses his teacher, but will still, no doubt, deliver via flying sleigh a remote control robot and size 7 space suit come December.
On the other hand, I make Dave Ramsey seem like a spendthrift and Mr. Cruise gets bored quickly and is eagerly anticipating a virtual reality future lived fully indoors. All that is to say that I was attuned to value and looking for an excursion that was relatively short, with outdoor sights experienced in small doses, and with minimal travel time.
With “H” being free, the Ketchikan All-In-One Tour cost us just over $150 for three people and seemed to cover a lot in 2.5 hours. So I clicked to purchase and placed the dollars I saved by avoiding a more expensive cruise ship excursion on the bed that night near some wine, candles, and romantic music to test H’s theory. But in addition to not “growing on trees,” it turns out that paper money hates Al Green and also becomes a fire hazard when positioned in close proximity to an open flame. It also doesn’t reproduce like rabbits or even giant pandas in captivity. Live and learn and cruise on.
The instructions on our self-printed tickets (don’t forget to print off your tickets before leaving home and bring them with you) directed us to the “rain gauge” located outside of the Ketchikan Visitors Bureau, on Berth 2 of the cruise ship dock. It took a few minutes of wandering around with our body language shouting “tourist here!” to find the rain gauge. But once we found it, we immediately spotted a guide holding up a sign reading, “Seaside Tours.”
Here’s a photo of the rain gauge and sign, so you can avoid scaring the tour greeter with your overly exuberant relief at finally having found her: “Oh, thank God it’s you!” (I guess that explains why she assigned us to a different van: “you guys will be with Carson over there.”)
Our guide Carson (pictured above) had deep and fascinating ties to Ketchikan, even considering his propensity for embellishment (which is pure speculation on my part, driven by the fact that my life has been exceedingly boring). A carpenter by trade, he moved to Ketchikan 10 years before I was born, which makes me think he moved there as an infant since he didn’t look that much older than me, but also drives home the point that he’s lived there for a long-ass time because I am, let’s face it, on the older side.
Not only did he carve part of a totem pole at the Saxman Native Village and get dumped by his girlfriend for a pair of eagles, he trick-or-treated at Dolly’s House where, thankfully, Dolly gave him candy and not the contraband liquor she hid in her bedroom closet during prohibition. And fear not, there were no longer “tricks” being performed on the premises, the brothel having been shuttered some years earlier.
Overall, Carson was a great guide. He was considerate, helpful, and funny and knew a great deal about the area. And he certainly kept us entertained between stops with his tales, tall and otherwise. While the pacing of the tour felt off at times (spending too much time at one spot and too little at others), he did his best to make sure we saw as much as we could squeeze into 2.5 short hours. And we really did see and learn a lot.
Our first stop was a fish ladder near Creek Street where Carson explained the salmon life cycle and provided additional information about these rich spawning grounds. While I’d been to this spot many times before, I appreciated the commentary as I watched the salmon struggle to make it upstream, literally swimming and leaping for their lives, only to reach their destination to die. And while tending to a sick child at home, “mom, I just threw up in my bed!” can make a cruise-loving mom feel like she wants to die, I’m glad I don’t actually have to die in order to ensure the survival of the next generation.
On the way to our next stop we drove by a city park where the people (Native Alaskans) hand dug pools for the areas first salmon hatchery in an attempt to prevent Salmon from disappearing completely due to over-fishing by early white settlers who didn’t understand the life cycle.
While to the casual passerby, this appears to be an abandoned and dilapidated house and may even prompt a comment along the lines of, “why doesn’t someone tear down that eyesore?,” it has a fascinating history having belonged to Chief Ebbits of the Fort Tongass Tribe of the Tlingit Nation. And, as Carson will explain if you decide to take this tour, there’s a really good reason why it hasn’t been torn down (I’ll keep you in suspense).
Next to the house is a totem pole believed to be the oldest standing one in Ketchikan. You can still see some of the original paint made using natural methods like chewing up salmon eggs, mixing them with saliva to make a deep red color that holds up against the elements better than anything off the shelf at Sherwin-Williams: “I’m sorry, we don’t carry salmon egg and spit red.”
And to further add to the suspense, Carson pointed out this cannon at the side of the house, nearly completely camouflaged by surrounding shrubbery. Huh?
Continuing along the Tongass Hwy, we stopped at Rotary Beach which, unfortunately for us, was engulfed in fog on the morning we visited. But on a clear day you can enjoy breathtaking views of Annette Island and explore tide pools full of sea creatures at low tide. On our own, this is the kind of place that H and I would love so much we’d lose track of time and miss our ship, “wait, wait! oh well, I guess we’ll just head back to the beach,” and Mr. Cruise would tire of after approximately 30 seconds, so the 15 minutes we spent here served as a good compromise.
Next, we stopped just off the side of the road for a photo op at the Prof. Cruise Waterfall, named as such by yours truly during our visit because, if nobody else is going to bother naming it…
The Saxman Native Village includes the largest collection of standing totem poles in Ketchikan as well as a clan house, native carving shed, and gift shop. There’s also an active eagle nest across the street. While our time here felt rushed and we didn’t get to visit the inside of the clan house, carving shed, or gift shop, Carson provided interesting commentary on many of the totem poles as well as pointing out the pole he helped carve (claiming his initials could be found at the very top of the pole – of course no one dared climb up to verify).
My favorite pole was the Seward Pole, an example of a ridicule pole. The story behind the pole goes like this: William Seward, Secretary of State under Abraham Lincoln, visited Fort Tongass in 1869 where he was warmly hosted and given many gifts by Chief Ebbits of the Tlingit Nation. It was custom in the Tlingit culture to expect gifts in return, but Seward skipped town without offering a single thing. So the Tlingit people raised this pole in his honor with red painted nostrils and ears signifying stinginess.
I just hope at the conclusion of this lecture you don’t raise a pole in my likeness with my mouth wide open in a yawn representing my propensity for wordiness.
Earlier in the day, on our way to a different location, we actually spotted a bear across the street from the Herring Cove overlook where we would later stop to look for wildlife. Carson briefly pulled the van over so we could take a quick look at the bear before it wandered into some bushes and out of sight.
Upon arriving at the actual overlook later in day, while a great spot to see part of the beautiful Alaska Rainforest Sanctuary for free (there are tours such as this one that include the sanctuary, if you’re interested in seeing more of it), there wasn’t much to speak of in terms of wildlife. Of course Carson had some dramatic stories of personal bear encounters in the area and did manage to locate some fresh scat, prompting me to think to myself, “while you may be full of s**t, there’s a bear nearby who isn’t.”
Our tour concluded with a brief drive-by of Creek Street. While Carson gave a fairly comprehensive history of the area, I would strongly recommend returning to this spot on foot to explore it more fully and snap some photos. Go here for more details and a map.
I’d book this excursion again for the small group (there were 10 of us in total), comfortable van, reasonable price, and for an interesting overview of many of the things for which Ketchikan is best known. But mostly I’d book it again for Carson’s stories. Like the inter-species one about love lost and then found and then lost. If you enjoy everything about cruising except that the ship doesn’t broadcast your telenovelas on the daily, count on Carson for a suitable and perhaps even superior substitute. This particular episode went something like this…
Carson’s girlfriend, who worked at the Eagle Sanctuary in Ketchikan, was called out one day to rescue a female eagle with a bum wing. As she transported the injured bird to the facility, she noticed a male eagle trailing her car like a P.I. hot on the bumper of a client’s cheating wife. Only this eagle didn’t appear detached enough to be paid muscle. No, this was the actual guy – the husband himself. And he was pissed. And distraught. And not going anywhere without his gal.
For weeks after the female eagle checked into the facility to begin her stint in rehab, her man perched in nearby trees squawking and flailing about at all hours of the day and night, not making many friends among his increasingly grumpy and sleep deprived human neighbors.
Finally, having multiple noise complaints on file, the sanctuary opened the front door and welcomed Mr. Eagle in for a visit: “dude, calm down, she’s fine.” He flew across the threshold, searched the premises until he found his love, and they left together. Outside, sanctuary staff watched as the male eagle wrapped his feathers around the female while they rubbed beaks in a manner so passionate I should probably slap an R rating on this lecture.
Now, I could end right here, satisfying the romantics among us, because eagles mate for life. However, humans, it seems, do not. Because shortly thereafter, Carson’s girlfriend dumped him for a pair of eagles [at an eagle sanctuary] in Sitka.
And with that (better go book a cruise to Alaska to lift your spirits)…
Class Dismissed.
Homework: If you’d like to book this tour, you may do so here. Then be sure to check out my other Alaska port lectures here and go here for my comprehensive guide to cruising from Seattle.
And don’t forget to subscribe to the blog (scroll up to the top right if on a computer or keep scrolling down if on a mobile device) and follow me on social media:
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